No Rest For The Weary

I wonder how many of us are aware of time. I mean, really aware of the time we have. I know for myself, I get up, and do the same routine every morning: grab a grande-sweetened-iced-coffee-with-soy-and-extra-ice, work work work, go home at some point to sleep, then start all over again. How many times have I done this? Thousands? Hundreds of thousands?

While I love my career and it's very fulfilling, I know in the back of my mind, I'm waiting for something big to happen. Whether it's a huge career opportunity, or that special person: I'm waiting for it. I continue my routine every single day, anticipating the "thing" that will swoop in to change my life and make it even better. From a professional standpoint, that actually might be happening. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, and it would be huge for IGC and my clients. If that comes to fruition, then the only other big change I want in my life would be a partner.

I think about my clients, and how smart they are to have someone looking out for their best interests. But who advises the CEO? Who trains the trainer? Who matches the matchmaker?

My clients are a busy lot: 60 hour work weeks, plus time at the gym. Add in family and friends, and there's little time to focus on dating. Which is obviously where In Good Company comes in. But with all our routines, do we really have time for a relationship? I'll have Client A meet Client B, and they both really enjoyed their time together. And Client A will have every intention of calling Client B and seeing him again. But Client A can't make it happen for another 2 weeks because of his schedule. Client B then wonders if Client A really has time for a relationship.

Does Client A wonder the same thing? Do we believe that when the right person comes along, everything really WILL change? Or, are we fooling ourselves into thinking that adding one more element into our bustling routine will actually make things easier, rather than more difficult? Dating is one thing; relationships are another.

For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin – real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Life would begin. At last it dawned on me to see that these obstacles were my life. This perspective has helped me to see that there is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way. So, treasure every moment you have and treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time…and remember that time waits for no one… Happiness is a journey and not a destination. - Alfred D. Souza

Will Work For Love

The other day, a friend was lamenting to me about the difficulties in her relationship. She said, "I feel that it shouldn't be this much work." In talking about it further, I realized this went beyond her partner's odd sleeping habits or the fact that one of them wants to only eat vegan. The allowances and concessions (that I mentioned in an earlier blog) were becoming too large for my friend to handle.

One of them has an especially sharp tongue; words that sting fly out of her mouth with a swiftness that is disturbing. The other one travels so much for work that her partner feels neglected. Bottom line? They are starting to not get along and resentment is slowly but surely building. So I've been thinking: when it comes to relationships, when does the relationship work become too much work?

It's a very gray area. Relationships aren't all fun and games; there is work to be done, for sure. But know this: if the work you put into your relationship leaves you drained rather than energized, it might be time to explore your options. If the work you put into your relationship lessens your sexual desire for your partner, it's time for the two of you to sit down and have a serious discussion. Realizing there's an issue is a good first step.

Prizes Make The World Go 'Round

We all make allowances and concessions for our partners. You all know by now how I feel about gum chewing in public; yet my ex LOVED gum and I actually took a lot of pleasure in buying it for her anytime I was standing in the check-out line. My dad once told my step mom he loved it when her nails were painted red; now it's pretty much the only color she gets during her manicure.

I think it's important to do things for your partner that make them happy. In turn, it makes US happy. And it shows your partner that you care about them. One of the best ways to do that is to give prizes.

I'm a big advocate of prizes. And I mean prizes for no particular reason and with no particular price point. Now, do I prefer a prize that has a comma in the price tag? Of course. But can it also be a peanut butter cup? Absolutely. Prizes are a way of showing someone that you think about them even when they aren't around. That's what the gum was for me - a small way of showing her that she was on my mind when I was by myself.

Some people either don't believe in prizes, or they don't think they are necessary. Let me be the first to tell you; they are very necessary. When was the last time you picked up a Starbucks card before heading to your boyfriend's house? Or sent your girlfriend flowers at work, simply because it was a Monday?

Some people think they don't need to buy prizes because they show their love in other ways. Perhaps you're a great cook, or give good massages. But never underestimate the power of "I saw this today and thought of you." You are offering your love - whether it's with a $15 itunes gift card, or a Gucci dress. The message is the same: "I knew this would make you happy."

Pride Month and PR!

Pride month is finally here! All of a sudden my social calendar is bulging at the seams. I attended Baird and Warner's "Out Of The Office" last Tuesday at the Dana Hotel - what a great time! I've always enjoyed this event as it kicks off pride month for us here at In Good Company. The folks at Baird and Warner know how to throw a great party!

Afterward a friend and I went downstairs for dinner at Aja. If you haven't been there, do yourself a HUGE favor and go today! I'm not a huge fan of raw tuna, but I have to say - it melted on my tongue. Delish! And they have a lovely outdoor seating area.

This past Wednesday was the first time we've held our dating workshop outside our conference room. We began a 3-month run at the Discovery Center, and could not have been more pleased. Everything we needed was already set up for us, and we unveiled our Top 10 Dating Tips to the participants. The next workshop is July 17 at 2p. Sign up here and join us! As I was preparing for this expanded workshop, I realized that I was laying the groundwork for what could be a really great book! So it's officially in my daily calendar: "work on book." I'll be sure to keep you posted on this blog, which is another thing I'm going to do better. I can't promise you that every posting will be hugely entertaining, but I'll try to give you information that is useful and/or interesting.

Speaking of interesting, did you know that I was on the radio a couple of weeks ago? Follow In Good Company on Facebook and Twitter so you'll be the first to know about any press we receive. Remember, the more press we get, the more clients we get - and the more matches for all of you! You can listen to the interview here. Luis and Shantell were awesome and they made me feel so comfortable.

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!

Transparency in Business

I preach it to my clients and colleagues: this is what I CAN do, this is what I CAN'T. Being honest and truthful about what your services are is paramount in keeping your integrity and reputation intact. Peter Shankman writes about it in his blog. Check it out here.

Top 12 Big Dating Turn-Offs: #4

4. Chewing Gum!

Chewing gum in public, especially on a date, is one of the worst things you can do. Why? Because no one looks good chewing gum! It's like a cow chewing its cud. (If you don't know what that is, google it. Then go spit out your gum.)

When you chew gum on a date, it's floating around in your mouth as you talk, and it becomes the only thing your date can focus on. Or you don't even realize you're smacking it! At best, it's impolite in any professional situation. At its worst, you look like a hillbilly.

I had a client who said it best: "Gum chewing, like masturbation, is something best done in the privacy of one's own home, alone."

If you want fresh breath, pop in a mint.

This Is What It Means To Be An Adult

I knew today was going to be busy. Up at 4am to catch an early morning flight home for my step-grandfather's funeral, most of which I would miss in an effort to get back on a plane to Chicago for my event tonight. Our very first singles event that sold out. Not something that could be rescheduled with such short notice. And after much deliberation, I just felt that I could not miss my event. It was too big of a deal for me to be absent. Of course, the same goes for the funeral.

Therefore, I decided to fly in for the visitation before the funeral. Flight availability meant I would either miss the funeral, or miss my event. There was no way around it. I had made my peace, somewhat, with the fact that I would miss the funeral. I consoled myself with the knowledge that I would still get to see my family, hug those I needed to hug, and pay my respects before flying back to take care of my company.

Except I missed my flight this morning. By about 10 seconds. As I'm running towards the gate (at the very end of the terminal, of course) I see the gate attendant coming out of the jetbridge and the door slamming behind him. He says, unequivocally, "The plane is locked down. You cannot get on." Begging him doesn't make him budge, nor does it bring out even a shred of empathy.

It's not like I overslept. It's not like I was running late. I just misjudged how much time I needed. I gave myself no buffer. So when the security line looked like it does on Thanksgiving, and I was halfway to the gate when I realized I left my bag back at security, it was over. And there's no one to blame but myself. This is what it means to be an adult.

In all the planning that went into this day - the flights, the car service, the arranging of rides, last minute details for tonight - I kept thinking, "Well, this is what it means to be an adult. You have to juggle many things all at once and just make them all happen." I tried to do it all. I really did.

The other day, my friend remarked that it seemed like a lot for one day, and should I perhaps consider missing my event? I said without hesitation: "Work comes first." Now it appears that the universe heard me loud and clear, and gave me what I said I wanted.

Except I'm sick about it. While this is entirely my fault, I do believe that everything happens for a reason. I'm trying to focus on that. Trying to ignore the should've would've could'ves that are peppering my brain. I'm not sure how you juggle work obligations and family obligations. I guess sometimes you are able to do it pretty well, and other times the balls drop.

So this is what it means to be an adult:
*You make mistakes. Sometimes they're really big ones.
*You're in charge of keeping your animals alive, healthy, and safe.
*You pay your bills.
*You keep your home clean.
*You still worry that you'll disappoint your parents, but you do your best anyway.
*You can jump on your bed if you want. You probably don't, but you could.
*You have to keep going, especially after disappointment. There simply is no other alternative.
*You realize that life isn't fair, but you are still blessed beyond what you even know.
*You can eat Nutella out of the jar. Not that I ever have.

The Challenges of a Small Business Owner

Well, I'm sorry to say it's finally happened. After 5 1/2 years and thousands of introductions, we have received our very first chargeback. For those of you who don't know, a chargeback is something you can do when you've put an amount on your credit card and you want your money back. For whatever reason.

Now, in theory, it's a great idea. If you don't feel you've received the services you were promised, you have recourse. I get it.

But for the small business owner, it's a huge blow; both to your business bank account and your pride. I suppose it was bound to happen at some point: the longer you're in business, the more clients you have, the more opportunity there is for letting in a bad apple. I know we deal with the very delicate issue that is people's personal lives. But these factors still don't lessen the impact.

I know the reason it hurts so much is because I'm being accused of something that I'm not. You want to call me a bitch? I own that. Tell me I have issues with control? I totally agree. But accuse me of being dishonest in my work - where the only thing I have is my integrity - and that cuts to the bone.

Does that make me weak? I don't know. I feel like a man, in my position, would just get mad. Or have the ability to blow it off and not worry about it. But I feel persecuted. Insulted. Shocked. I'm ashamed to say I've shed a few tears over it. And I'm ashamed to write that here for all of you to see.

I've given refunds before. We certainly don't make it a habit, but there have been a few times where I realized I cannot fulfill my end of the agreement with a client. And in those instances, we do the right thing. Because it comes down to integrity, and integrity is something you can't buy. When I'm in the wrong, I admit it. To me, that's integrity. But when I'm right - when I'm doing the right thing for my company and protecting my clients - I will stand up and fight anyone or anything that challenges IGC's core values.

I've been reading "Delivering Happiness: A Path to Profits, Passion, and Purpose" by Tony Hsieh, CEO of Zappos.com. He talks about all the stressful times he and his partners went through, and how it taught him many lessons along the way to becoming the billion-dollar operation that Zappos.com is today. It reminds me that In Good Company is here for a purpose. We will continue to face stressful situations, just like any business. But along our journey, lessons will be learned; better judgments made; and hopefully, delusional threats won't offend as much.

Every day that I'm blessed to be able to provide for my clients is another day I learn to be a better businessperson. The groundwork is being laid for the path that I am taking In Good Company on; knowing this dries any tears.

"Everybody has their own private mountain they were put on this earth to climb." Yes, I believe this. And the summit will be SO worth it!