12 Big Dating Turn-Offs: #7

7. Only Talking About Yourself/Not Showing An Interest In Your Date

My clients are an accomplished group - doctors, big-shot lawyers, CEO's, published authors, etc etc. They have a lot to talk about! But sometimes we can get so focused on ourselves that we forget to find out about the other person. It makes it especially harder if your date is someone who asks a lot of questions and encourages you to keep your monologue going.

Resist! I hear so many times from my clients "well, I know a lot more about him than he knows about me." If you haven't been to my dating workshops, one of the important things we talk about is "Give Information, then Get Information." This is the cornerstone of a good conversation.

Like the previous entry, you might be thinking, "duh!" But again, you'd be surprised how often I hear the above feedback.

"Give information, then get information" is also a very useful tool when starting a new conversation with someone you don't know. We all hate that "awkward silence" that can occur when you've met someone for the first time, or you're waiting for your food to arrive at the restaurant and you feel you've exhausted all your conversation starters. Even if the question is, "So what's your favorite color?" you can start a conversation from there if you make it a point to give information, then get information.

For example:

Person A: So, what's your favorite color?

Person B: I really like red a lot. I used to have a dining room that I painted red and it really created such a warm and inviting environment for when I entertained. I love to cook and have friends over - even if it's a casual night. What about you -do you like to cook and entertain?

If you make the effort, you can turn a bland question into a conversation about the two of you where you are actually getting useful information about your date. Before you know it, viola! You're in a full-blown conversation and it soon becomes effortless.

A good rule of thumb is something salespeople are often taught: If you feel like you're talking too much, you probably are. Stop the "period" sentences, and start with the questions: and give the other person a chance to tell you about themselves.

12 Big Dating Turn-Offs: #8

8. No Eye Contact

Ever had a date with someone and about 20 minutes in, you're just about begging them to LOOK AT YOU? I actually said that to someone I went on a date with 5 years ago. Perhaps it's the matchmaker in me, but I just couldn't take it anymore and finally slammed my hand down on the table to get her attention and said, "Julie! Look at me!"

She was a fine conversationalist, but she just refused to look me in the eye. Unfortunately the lack of eye contact superseded all the other great qualities about her. A second date was out of the question.

When you're on a date, you must look the other person in the eye. I know what you're thinking: duh! But you'd be surprised at how often I hear this from my clients. When you're not giving your full attention to your date, they can see it and feel it. It makes for an awkward conversation, with your date wondering the entire time "why isn't he/she looking at me?"

I've said it before numerous times: your first date is like a job interview. Can you imagine being on a job interview and not looking the interviewee in the eye? Of course not! You must show your confidence and interest in the person (job).

Besides, lack of eye contact can make you appear restless, easily distracted, and fidgety. Are those the impressions you want your date to have of you?

From now on, make a special effort to focus on the person you're talking with, and see if you catch yourself looking around for distractions. And goodness knows - stop looking at all the cute boys that pass by your table!! Your date sees that too.