No other time during the year brings more awareness of feeling displaced, lonely, and isolated than the holidays. Many people I know are going through this for various reasons, but they can all be put under the heading "Missing Someone Special".
For some of us, it's the after-breakup time. When you romanticize your past relationship, forgetting the bad times; the clues you were given but ignored because you were desperately in love. And wondering - do you still get your ex a Christmas gift? If so, how big or small? I have a friend who keeps hoping her ex will show up one day, ring in a box, and change her world forever. The holidays, with all their sparkle and promise, make us pray for miracles.
For others, it's the after-the-death-of-a-loved-one time. When you have to go through the interruption of routine: this is the time of day when she would call her dad - oh wait, she can't anymore. Or, he would go to his Mom's house for Christmas Eve - well, not this year, or any year from now on. Difficult and awful at any time, but especially during the holidays, when family gathers around and there is comfort in tradition.
Here's what I have learned: that you must suffer through the times of "Missing Someone." Like a smoker who is trying to quit; if you can just get through each craving that comes, you will be OK for a little while longer. It is fine to sit and cry over your loss. It is perfectly acceptable to have a pity party for yourself every once in a while. Be still with your loss, let it wash over you; and when you are calm again, dry your eyes, and keep moving ahead. It's absolutely fine to take 2 steps back, as long as you are taking 4 steps forward. And please - go talk to a grief counselor if you are feeling helpless. The only way out of grief is through it.
Some of you may know about the original lyrics to "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas", characterized as too "depressing" and changed to be more uplifting and optimistic: the original first line being "Have yourself a merry little Christmas, it may be your last". In honor of all of you who are missing someone, here are the lyrics as we know them today. And may all our hearts be light.
Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Let your heart be light
From now on,
our troubles will be out of sight
Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Make the Yule-tide gay,
From now on,
our troubles will be miles away.
Here we are as in olden days,
Happy golden days of yore.
Faithful friends who are dear to us
Gather near to us once more.
Through the years
We all will be together,
If the Fates allow
Hang a shining star upon the highest bough.
And have yourself A merry little Christmas now.
