We've had an interesting week - we are in the process of finalizing our first Supper Club (which is tentatively scheduled for April 19), our first Support/Peer Group is set to begin April 7, AND - I was interviewed to potentially be on a reality show about matchmakers!!
The interview was a lot of fun, and the producers were great to talk with. But I'll be honest: I left there feeling a bit dejected. I felt like perhaps the way I run IGC wasn't as "drama filled" as they would prefer. Maybe it IS great for TV - and maybe I'm just too used to it to really see that. I know that I want to be cast on the show - it would be great for business and also great for people to see an out-lesbian-business owner on TV.
I kept wondering if they were looking for someone like Patti Stanger, the Millionaire Matchmaker. While I admire everything she's accomplished, I'm just not like her. I don't cuss out my clients! We just don't attract that type of clientele. If I interview someone who is "too big for his britches" (as my mom used to say!) then I don't accept them as a client. I'm not here to fight with my clients - I'm here to do everything I can to find them a loving, long-lasting relationship.
Now this is not to say we don't have any drama. Boy oh boy is there some drama! But it's my job to smooth that over; not to fan the flame. This is very serious stuff we're dealing with here: this is people's personal lives! I have to be as delicate as possible, while assisting my clients in putting their best foot forward so the odds are in their favor.
They asked me in the interview if I would feel comfortable commenting on how the date was going (apparently there would be cameras there on the date). I said absolutely! Do you guys have any idea how much I would love to be a fly on the wall when you're out with your matches? To see who's doing what wrong; who's doing things right; who is giving the wrong impression; who isn't following my dating workshop tips (Sidenote: those clients who have attended my Dating Workshop all say the same thing: they always know when they meet a client who HASN'T been to the workshop! So if you haven't signed up for it yet, do it today).
On the other hand, my partner and my friends have all said the same thing: that I can be pretty bitchy! (They've also said this is a compliment...hmmmmm...) I don't know that I really see that. I know I'm confident, self-assured, and I don't let myself get pushed around. Perhaps that's seen as bitchy? So this goes back to what I said earlier: maybe I'm just too used to it, but that doesn't mean that it wouldn't make for good TV!
Another thing I would need to find is clients or prospective clients who would be willing to, essentially, "be gay on TV." It's one thing for my clients to be out at work or to their families: it's another thing entirely to be on TV on a gay date for all of Chicagoland to see. Let's say that the single person they cast has potentially 30 good matches with which I could provide him/her. But how many of those 30 are willing to have their date filmed? This presents an interesting challenge, but one I am ready to tackle!!
Let me know your thoughts: how would YOU feel about being gay on TV?
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Northwestern provides inspiration!
I had the BEST experience last week! I was invited by the Women's Center at Northwestern University to speak about online dating. I went to the Evanston campus on Wednesday, then the downtown campus on Thursday. All the participants were so nice and had great questions, and it could not have been more fun!
IGC isn't typically known for online dating, but I was thrilled for an opportunity to do some further research into this other aspect of dating. While IGC is in its season of growth, we need to become more well-rounded in the dating industry. Whereas traditional matchmaking will always be our focus, we are now offering many more options to members and non-members alike. Be on the lookout for more dating workshops, support groups, and a supper club (!) - we're even offering a profile writing service so you can have the best online experience with whatever site you choose! I am so happy to start covering many more aspects of dating, although matchmaking will remain near and dear to my heart. We simply want to be the "go to" place for all questions, concerns, and assistance about dating - in any medium.
The women at Northwestern could not have been more welcoming to me, and I hope this is the start of many more speaking engagements to come!
Here is a link to a slide show for the presentation at Northwestern. Enjoy!
http://news.medill.northwestern.edu/chicago/ss.aspx?id=157560
IGC isn't typically known for online dating, but I was thrilled for an opportunity to do some further research into this other aspect of dating. While IGC is in its season of growth, we need to become more well-rounded in the dating industry. Whereas traditional matchmaking will always be our focus, we are now offering many more options to members and non-members alike. Be on the lookout for more dating workshops, support groups, and a supper club (!) - we're even offering a profile writing service so you can have the best online experience with whatever site you choose! I am so happy to start covering many more aspects of dating, although matchmaking will remain near and dear to my heart. We simply want to be the "go to" place for all questions, concerns, and assistance about dating - in any medium.
The women at Northwestern could not have been more welcoming to me, and I hope this is the start of many more speaking engagements to come!
Here is a link to a slide show for the presentation at Northwestern. Enjoy!
http://news.medill.northwestern.edu/chicago/ss.aspx?id=157560
Friday, January 15, 2010
IGC Expands in 2010!
Perhaps most of you have heard, but I am so excited to announce the much-anticipated inclusion of the heterosexual community into the IGC family! This is something I've been asked about over the years - why don't I include straight people? My answer was always the same "Straight people have enough services - they don't need anymore." Looking back, I see that answer was pretty lame.
What if Dave Thomas, the founder of Wendy's had said "No one is going to come here when there's MacDonalds!"
What if Steve Wozniak, the builder of the first Apple computer, had thought "Why would anyone need more than one computer manufacturer?"
What if Starbuck's only served one type of coffee drink?? Oh, the horror!
There is always room for competition. There is not a finite amount of success that's available - it's unlimited. And do not think that using those mega-corporations as examples was a joke. We do good work here at IGC, I believe in this company, and I plan on growing it into a multi-national, multi-billion dollar enterprise. We are going to be a force to be reckoned with in the dating industry, and it starts happening in 2010!
What if Dave Thomas, the founder of Wendy's had said "No one is going to come here when there's MacDonalds!"
What if Steve Wozniak, the builder of the first Apple computer, had thought "Why would anyone need more than one computer manufacturer?"
What if Starbuck's only served one type of coffee drink?? Oh, the horror!
There is always room for competition. There is not a finite amount of success that's available - it's unlimited. And do not think that using those mega-corporations as examples was a joke. We do good work here at IGC, I believe in this company, and I plan on growing it into a multi-national, multi-billion dollar enterprise. We are going to be a force to be reckoned with in the dating industry, and it starts happening in 2010!
Friday, December 4, 2009
Dating Karma
I have some clients that I call my "whole package clients" - they're attractive, fit, active, and then on top of that, they have the most amazing personalities! So sweet, and genuine, and humble about their success...truly guys who have the "whole package". (I could go on and on with fabulous adjectives, but you get the picture).
Every client who meets with one of my whole package clients inevitably loves them - no one can say anything even remotely negative about them. Every one loves them and every one hopes the WP calls him back. And as wonderful as the WP's are, they usually don't call back. Or text back. Or return the email sent their way.
I'm a big believer in Karma. It's been shown to me time and time again, both bad and good. Dating Karma is no different - what you put out there will come back to you. So why would anybody mess with that?
I think mostly it has to do with the fact that it's not always easy to say to someone, "I didn't feel any attraction between us, but I hope we can be friends." No one wants to be THAT guy or girl. What we need to understand is that you're not saying the person is unattractive (even if you felt that way). Chemistry, or lack thereof, isn't always indicative of looks. I've had feedback from clients who've said, "You know, I can see that he's an attractive guy, but I just didn't feel that spark. And I really wish I had - because he's very handsome!"
Chemistry is that elusive thing that often surprises us. How many of us have heard someone say, "I didn't think he/she was my type, but then...." It's always a good thing to remain open and really explore what's available to you.
But when you get to the end of the date, and the other person says, "So would you like to maybe go out again?" - if you aren't feeling any chemistry, NOW is the time to say, "I don't know that I feel a romantic connection between us, but I would love to hang out again as friends." Now, you will inevitably see that crestfallen look on their face, but trust me - this is so much better than the alternative! You will have been open and honest from the very beginning, and there are much worse reputations to have than that. You will also be helping the other person to move on quicker.
So, if you, in a weak moment, tell the other person, "Sure I'd love to! I'll call you-" then DO IT. Even if you call to say you're really busy right now and you hope to see them out and about soon, this will keep your Dating Karma clean. So call them back. Return that text or email. Be an honest person to the people that want to date you, so that the person YOU want to date does the same to you. Because just as with any of my clients, my WP's eventually meet someone they want to get to know better, and usually that person says, "Sure, I'll call you!" And the WP waits, and waits, and waits.
Every client who meets with one of my whole package clients inevitably loves them - no one can say anything even remotely negative about them. Every one loves them and every one hopes the WP calls him back. And as wonderful as the WP's are, they usually don't call back. Or text back. Or return the email sent their way.
I'm a big believer in Karma. It's been shown to me time and time again, both bad and good. Dating Karma is no different - what you put out there will come back to you. So why would anybody mess with that?
I think mostly it has to do with the fact that it's not always easy to say to someone, "I didn't feel any attraction between us, but I hope we can be friends." No one wants to be THAT guy or girl. What we need to understand is that you're not saying the person is unattractive (even if you felt that way). Chemistry, or lack thereof, isn't always indicative of looks. I've had feedback from clients who've said, "You know, I can see that he's an attractive guy, but I just didn't feel that spark. And I really wish I had - because he's very handsome!"
Chemistry is that elusive thing that often surprises us. How many of us have heard someone say, "I didn't think he/she was my type, but then...." It's always a good thing to remain open and really explore what's available to you.
But when you get to the end of the date, and the other person says, "So would you like to maybe go out again?" - if you aren't feeling any chemistry, NOW is the time to say, "I don't know that I feel a romantic connection between us, but I would love to hang out again as friends." Now, you will inevitably see that crestfallen look on their face, but trust me - this is so much better than the alternative! You will have been open and honest from the very beginning, and there are much worse reputations to have than that. You will also be helping the other person to move on quicker.
So, if you, in a weak moment, tell the other person, "Sure I'd love to! I'll call you-" then DO IT. Even if you call to say you're really busy right now and you hope to see them out and about soon, this will keep your Dating Karma clean. So call them back. Return that text or email. Be an honest person to the people that want to date you, so that the person YOU want to date does the same to you. Because just as with any of my clients, my WP's eventually meet someone they want to get to know better, and usually that person says, "Sure, I'll call you!" And the WP waits, and waits, and waits.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
The Level Playing Field
It's interesting hearing from clients who have used other gay dating services, and how much they paid. I'm always wondering - should I raise our fees? But as soon as I get concerned about alienating potential clients, someone comes in and tells me about a service they used in New York, or Canada, or California, and they paid over 5 times what we charge! And they end up getting a lot less. It makes me wonder: how is that company doing? Are they thriving? Struggling?
There is a school of thought that nothing is "too expensive" - people will always pay a price equal to the value they perceive the product is worth to them. So what is it exactly that my clients want; what is most important to them? Ease of use? Having their own personal matchmaker? Or is it finding that life partner?
Even typing this, I'm thinking, "well that's obvious - they want to find a life partner." But I have many clients who, quite simply, are too busy to date on their own. Now - if they happen to find a life partner, great! But that is not their main goal. Their main goal is to not be sitting at home every night, after working a 12-hour day, and only have their dog or the TV as companionship.
I constantly try and figure out what do my clients find most valuable about IGC. It's different for everyone, but the great thing is - we can fill all those needs. The guy who wants help getting over his shyness? Done. The woman who has just come out at 52 years of age and wants to dip her toe in the water? No problem. The guy who has sowed his wild oats, and is ready to settle down - white picket fence, 2.5 kids, a husband, the works - absolutely. And so many more! We get all types here, looking for all types.
I would say the main thing is that most clients are looking to be on a level playing field - financially, emotionally, physically, etc. We don't have an income requirement here; we have 3rd grade math teachers, all the way up to C-level executives. But regardless of income, there is a level of responsibility, maturity, and sincerity that is prevalent at IGC, and sometimes difficult to find elsewhere.
I talked with a client the other day who was complaining about someone he met on his own. They decided to meet for coffee, and began to get hungry. My client said, "There's a Cheesecake Factory close by; how about that?" to which his date replied, "Isn't that expensive?" My client felt like rolling his eyes: he's no millionaire, but he can afford a lunch at The Cheesecake Factory.
I asked my client how he met this person. "Online". Ok, which site? "Match.com" And how much is that a month? "Um, around $20". So why are you complaining about someone who doesn't want to spend any money, when you met them on a site where you hardly have to spend any money? Does that make sense?
I admit that after doing this for a number of years, I tend to forget to sell IGC to potential clients. I have to remind myself that it is part of my job to show people the value of In Good Company and what we can do. I just think it's so great and that everyone should do it! :) But it's important for me to educate people on what we do exactly, what we can promise, and what we can't.
Then again, if you're gay or lesbian, and single, get in here!!!
There is a school of thought that nothing is "too expensive" - people will always pay a price equal to the value they perceive the product is worth to them. So what is it exactly that my clients want; what is most important to them? Ease of use? Having their own personal matchmaker? Or is it finding that life partner?
Even typing this, I'm thinking, "well that's obvious - they want to find a life partner." But I have many clients who, quite simply, are too busy to date on their own. Now - if they happen to find a life partner, great! But that is not their main goal. Their main goal is to not be sitting at home every night, after working a 12-hour day, and only have their dog or the TV as companionship.
I constantly try and figure out what do my clients find most valuable about IGC. It's different for everyone, but the great thing is - we can fill all those needs. The guy who wants help getting over his shyness? Done. The woman who has just come out at 52 years of age and wants to dip her toe in the water? No problem. The guy who has sowed his wild oats, and is ready to settle down - white picket fence, 2.5 kids, a husband, the works - absolutely. And so many more! We get all types here, looking for all types.
I would say the main thing is that most clients are looking to be on a level playing field - financially, emotionally, physically, etc. We don't have an income requirement here; we have 3rd grade math teachers, all the way up to C-level executives. But regardless of income, there is a level of responsibility, maturity, and sincerity that is prevalent at IGC, and sometimes difficult to find elsewhere.
I talked with a client the other day who was complaining about someone he met on his own. They decided to meet for coffee, and began to get hungry. My client said, "There's a Cheesecake Factory close by; how about that?" to which his date replied, "Isn't that expensive?" My client felt like rolling his eyes: he's no millionaire, but he can afford a lunch at The Cheesecake Factory.
I asked my client how he met this person. "Online". Ok, which site? "Match.com" And how much is that a month? "Um, around $20". So why are you complaining about someone who doesn't want to spend any money, when you met them on a site where you hardly have to spend any money? Does that make sense?
I admit that after doing this for a number of years, I tend to forget to sell IGC to potential clients. I have to remind myself that it is part of my job to show people the value of In Good Company and what we can do. I just think it's so great and that everyone should do it! :) But it's important for me to educate people on what we do exactly, what we can promise, and what we can't.
Then again, if you're gay or lesbian, and single, get in here!!!
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Bleeding Hearts
I've been pondering this question for a while now. I feel like I'm seeing a lot of lesbians lately "settling" for someone that's really not a great fit for them. It seems especially prevalent in my life right now (thankfully, not for me). This whole idea of "she checks off 3 of the 5 boxes, so I guess we'll be girlfriends" doesn't sit well with me.
Now I know that no one's perfect, but there appears to be a lot of settling going on. The attitude seems to be "we have a lot of fun together and even though she's not ultimately what I want or cannot bring what I need to the table, I'll be her girlfriend anyway - until I meet someone else." This logic of biding one's time with the emotions of another until something better comes along seems awfully flawed to me, and a recipe for an emotional disaster. (Not to mention, yet another reason to DATE, rather than immediately become committed to someone.)
Having said that - I DO believe that we are with people for a reason. I think we learn things from each other that better shape us to become the human beings we were meant to be, and when those lessons are learned, we move on. Sometimes easy, sometimes very, very hard; but the key words are "move on." What's the saying? "Leave the person better than you found them" or something to that effect. But can you do that when it's a poor fit to begin with? Is that possible, when the two of you shouldn't even be together at all?
I feel like these women are trying to make something out of nothing. And I wonder: do they think there isn't anything better out there? Do they think they will never find that one true love again? I posed this question to a friend of mine, and her answer was, with no hesitation, "Yes. That's exactly it. Cannot imagine getting that lucky twice."
Which begs the question: will the universe conspire to help you in getting what you want, if the message you send is "this is fine for now, actually; thankyouverymuch" ?
I also think lesbians, in particular, tend to overlook "deal breakers"; attempting to convince themselves that particular "big deals" are not, in fact, big deals at all. Not attracted to her? Oh well. I'll just try and overlook that. You want a relationship, but she is not and will not be at any time in the near future ready or available to be in a relationship? Ok then, I'll still hang around.
These are big deals, people! These flags are so red they look like they're bleeding.
One of our tag lines is "Someone is waiting to meet you." I truly believe this: whether it's through IGC or not - someone IS waiting to meet you. But you have to be available to meet THEM. You have to get rid of the old to make way for the new. This goes for shoes and partners. :)
I know the reason I'm comfortable saying this is because I see the database of people we have at IGC every single day. I KNOW that there are so many more "fish in the sea" than people in our community think there are. Personally, I know you can find that love again - the love you thought was only going to happen to you once. You have to be open to it, you have to trust that it will happen. You have to welcome it into your life with open arms; and I don't know that you can do that when your arms are around someone else.
I also want you to be grateful for that "once-in-a-lifetime" love; because now you know what it feels like. And if you are someone who has "settled", you know it's different than how you feel now. Don't settle until you find it again! And you will - I know this.
Now I know that no one's perfect, but there appears to be a lot of settling going on. The attitude seems to be "we have a lot of fun together and even though she's not ultimately what I want or cannot bring what I need to the table, I'll be her girlfriend anyway - until I meet someone else." This logic of biding one's time with the emotions of another until something better comes along seems awfully flawed to me, and a recipe for an emotional disaster. (Not to mention, yet another reason to DATE, rather than immediately become committed to someone.)
Having said that - I DO believe that we are with people for a reason. I think we learn things from each other that better shape us to become the human beings we were meant to be, and when those lessons are learned, we move on. Sometimes easy, sometimes very, very hard; but the key words are "move on." What's the saying? "Leave the person better than you found them" or something to that effect. But can you do that when it's a poor fit to begin with? Is that possible, when the two of you shouldn't even be together at all?
I feel like these women are trying to make something out of nothing. And I wonder: do they think there isn't anything better out there? Do they think they will never find that one true love again? I posed this question to a friend of mine, and her answer was, with no hesitation, "Yes. That's exactly it. Cannot imagine getting that lucky twice."
Which begs the question: will the universe conspire to help you in getting what you want, if the message you send is "this is fine for now, actually; thankyouverymuch" ?
I also think lesbians, in particular, tend to overlook "deal breakers"; attempting to convince themselves that particular "big deals" are not, in fact, big deals at all. Not attracted to her? Oh well. I'll just try and overlook that. You want a relationship, but she is not and will not be at any time in the near future ready or available to be in a relationship? Ok then, I'll still hang around.
These are big deals, people! These flags are so red they look like they're bleeding.
One of our tag lines is "Someone is waiting to meet you." I truly believe this: whether it's through IGC or not - someone IS waiting to meet you. But you have to be available to meet THEM. You have to get rid of the old to make way for the new. This goes for shoes and partners. :)
I know the reason I'm comfortable saying this is because I see the database of people we have at IGC every single day. I KNOW that there are so many more "fish in the sea" than people in our community think there are. Personally, I know you can find that love again - the love you thought was only going to happen to you once. You have to be open to it, you have to trust that it will happen. You have to welcome it into your life with open arms; and I don't know that you can do that when your arms are around someone else.
I also want you to be grateful for that "once-in-a-lifetime" love; because now you know what it feels like. And if you are someone who has "settled", you know it's different than how you feel now. Don't settle until you find it again! And you will - I know this.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Dating Workshop
Tomorrow is our 3rd dating workshop, and I have been so impressed with the turnout we've been getting these last few months! As the date creeps closer, I always get nervous because there aren't many people signed up, then the day before - BAM! It's phone call after phone call - people pre-registering for the workshop.
I'm so excited about the one we're doing tomorrow, because we're having one of our IGC success stories come and speak about his experience. We're still doing the top 5 dating tips, but at one point, I'll bring Frank up to speak. This is going to be great because he will be speaking from his heart - there isn't anything I've asked him to say or not to mention. Frank was, truly, one of our perfect dates - he had 15 introductions, and not one person could say ANYTHING negative about him! Nothing! I just love him, and I especially love he and Bob together - what a great couple!
The funny thing is - in the last two workshops, I talked about Frank. It was only at the last workshop that we received feedback asking that we bring in an IGC success story. In thinking about who I wanted to ask, all of a sudden I thought: well, duh! Frank! I called him the next day and he agreed.
I've also been thinking about having a dating workshop for just the women, and bringing in two of our lesbian success stories. They've jokingly told me that they feel they are the "IGC Poster Couple" and I agree!! :)
It's weird though - I feel like both women and men can learn from Frank and the way he approached every introduction, but to bring two women in to speak....I'm not sure if it will hit home with the guys as much. I don't really know why. I'm sort of figuring this out as I type. But I've been thinking about it....
Maybe it just comes down to the fact that I think my guys are better daters than my girls. The women will have one great date, then call me and put their memberships on Hold. My guys will have one great date, then call me and say, "Ok who else you got for me?" Now - that same guy will eventually put his membership on Hold for that one great date, but not until he has met 2 or 3 other guys, and gone out with that great date for at least another month. Is that necessarily better? I don't know. What works for one person might not work for another, but I have to say - I think erring on the side of more dating versus less dating is almost always the better idea. Us lesbians have been known to "nest" rather quickly.
Frank went out 15 times, but ended up with his SECOND match. Is it because he took the time to get to know his second match, without the pressure of putting all his eggs in one basket? In other words, did he fare better because there was no pressure of "oh this guy is great and I could totally see myself with him for a long time so therefore I'm shunning any other possibilities"? I think so.
At any rate, I'm so excited to hear what Frank has to say to our participants tomorrow, so if you're reading this and haven't signed up yet to join us - trust me, just do it! :)
I'm so excited about the one we're doing tomorrow, because we're having one of our IGC success stories come and speak about his experience. We're still doing the top 5 dating tips, but at one point, I'll bring Frank up to speak. This is going to be great because he will be speaking from his heart - there isn't anything I've asked him to say or not to mention. Frank was, truly, one of our perfect dates - he had 15 introductions, and not one person could say ANYTHING negative about him! Nothing! I just love him, and I especially love he and Bob together - what a great couple!
The funny thing is - in the last two workshops, I talked about Frank. It was only at the last workshop that we received feedback asking that we bring in an IGC success story. In thinking about who I wanted to ask, all of a sudden I thought: well, duh! Frank! I called him the next day and he agreed.
I've also been thinking about having a dating workshop for just the women, and bringing in two of our lesbian success stories. They've jokingly told me that they feel they are the "IGC Poster Couple" and I agree!! :)
It's weird though - I feel like both women and men can learn from Frank and the way he approached every introduction, but to bring two women in to speak....I'm not sure if it will hit home with the guys as much. I don't really know why. I'm sort of figuring this out as I type. But I've been thinking about it....
Maybe it just comes down to the fact that I think my guys are better daters than my girls. The women will have one great date, then call me and put their memberships on Hold. My guys will have one great date, then call me and say, "Ok who else you got for me?" Now - that same guy will eventually put his membership on Hold for that one great date, but not until he has met 2 or 3 other guys, and gone out with that great date for at least another month. Is that necessarily better? I don't know. What works for one person might not work for another, but I have to say - I think erring on the side of more dating versus less dating is almost always the better idea. Us lesbians have been known to "nest" rather quickly.
Frank went out 15 times, but ended up with his SECOND match. Is it because he took the time to get to know his second match, without the pressure of putting all his eggs in one basket? In other words, did he fare better because there was no pressure of "oh this guy is great and I could totally see myself with him for a long time so therefore I'm shunning any other possibilities"? I think so.
At any rate, I'm so excited to hear what Frank has to say to our participants tomorrow, so if you're reading this and haven't signed up yet to join us - trust me, just do it! :)
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