12 Big Dating Turn-Offs: #10

10: Talking About Your Religion. Excessively.

Everyone has their own beliefs and their own way of expressing those beliefs. But just like politics, there is very little room for religion during first date conversation.

If you want to briefly share your beliefs, perhaps the church you attend; fine. But limit that conversation to 5 minutes MAX. Religion is such a deeply personal thing - and like most personal things, it should come out on the 4th or 5th date to be discussed in more depth. It's at this point that you and the person you're dating begin to really connect on a deeper level, sharing more intimate details that make up who you are as a person.

So keep first date conversation light, and save the more intimate conversation for when you are, in fact, more intimate.

And if you are a part of something where you feel the urge to tell people "it's not a cult", it probably is. If you hear that statement from your date's mouth, run. They have no room for you in their life.

12 Big Dating Turn-Offs: #11

11. Being Clingy

A good example of this is when you have a date with someone, they don't hear from you within 24 hours, so you get a text from them that says "Are we ok?"

"We"? There is no "we"! This is called DATING; not WE HAD ONE DATE SO NOW I'M YOUR GIRLFRIEND. Give your date some space and chill out. Not every date is going to hit it out of the ballpark for you, and vice versa. Some people find it easier to avoid the "Let's just be friends" conversation. If you get no phone call or email, then that's the message they're sending.

On the other hand, if you had a good time with someone, it's perfectly fine to text, email, or call them later to say so. Just don't get upset if you don't hear back from them. Yes - returning ones phone call is the polite thing to do, but not everyone does it (and we've all been there).

Here are some clingy behaviors to avoid when it's still early in the game:

*calling every day

*asking to meet the parents

*asking to meet their friends

*sharing too much personal information

*expecting them to help you out emotionally and/or financially

Confidence is sexy; neediness is not. Act accordingly!

12 Big Dating Turn-Offs

I find some people are their own worst enemy when it comes to dating. Either they think they're doing the right thing by trying to impress their date, or they're completely unaware that they are sabotaging things!

So here is the countdown of the Top 12 Big Dating Turn-Offs, one at a time. Keep coming back for more!!

12. Not Being Well-Read

You must must must keep abreast of current events. Even better if you can develop what I call a "wide range of intelligence". You should be able to discuss everything from politics to a favorite reality TV show, and everything in between. Think of date conversation as Chicago's very own Red Eye - a little of this and a little of that.

You need to be able to find a jumping-off point for almost any conversation starter that's thrown your way. You don't have to be an expert in world affairs, but you do need to know that France's President is Nicolas Sarkozy. You don't have to watch "Survivor", but you need to know that it's still on TV.

The more well-versed you are on various topics, the easier first date conversation will be. And if you can make it easier on yourself, why not?

Will IGC Be On Reality TV?

We've had an interesting week - we are in the process of finalizing our first Supper Club (which is tentatively scheduled for April 19), our first Support/Peer Group is set to begin April 7, AND - I was interviewed to potentially be on a reality show about matchmakers!!

The interview was a lot of fun, and the producers were great to talk with. But I'll be honest: I left there feeling a bit dejected. I felt like perhaps the way I run IGC wasn't as "drama filled" as they would prefer. Maybe it IS great for TV - and maybe I'm just too used to it to really see that. I know that I want to be cast on the show - it would be great for business and also great for people to see an out-lesbian-business owner on TV.

I kept wondering if they were looking for someone like Patti Stanger, the Millionaire Matchmaker. While I admire everything she's accomplished, I'm just not like her. I don't cuss out my clients! We just don't attract that type of clientele. If I interview someone who is "too big for his britches" (as my mom used to say!) then I don't accept them as a client. I'm not here to fight with my clients - I'm here to do everything I can to find them a loving, long-lasting relationship.

Now this is not to say we don't have any drama. Boy oh boy is there some drama! But it's my job to smooth that over; not to fan the flame. This is very serious stuff we're dealing with here: this is people's personal lives! I have to be as delicate as possible, while assisting my clients in putting their best foot forward so the odds are in their favor.

They asked me in the interview if I would feel comfortable commenting on how the date was going (apparently there would be cameras there on the date). I said absolutely! Do you guys have any idea how much I would love to be a fly on the wall when you're out with your matches? To see who's doing what wrong; who's doing things right; who is giving the wrong impression; who isn't following my dating workshop tips (Sidenote: those clients who have attended my Dating Workshop all say the same thing: they always know when they meet a client who HASN'T been to the workshop! So if you haven't signed up for it yet, do it today).

On the other hand, my partner and my friends have all said the same thing: that I can be pretty bitchy! (They've also said this is a compliment...hmmmmm...) I don't know that I really see that. I know I'm confident, self-assured, and I don't let myself get pushed around. Perhaps that's seen as bitchy? So this goes back to what I said earlier: maybe I'm just too used to it, but that doesn't mean that it wouldn't make for good TV!

Another thing I would need to find is clients or prospective clients who would be willing to, essentially, "be gay on TV." It's one thing for my clients to be out at work or to their families: it's another thing entirely to be on TV on a gay date for all of Chicagoland to see. Let's say that the single person they cast has potentially 30 good matches with which I could provide him/her. But how many of those 30 are willing to have their date filmed? This presents an interesting challenge, but one I am ready to tackle!!

Let me know your thoughts: how would YOU feel about being gay on TV?

Northwestern provides inspiration!

I had the BEST experience last week! I was invited by the Women's Center at Northwestern University to speak about online dating. I went to the Evanston campus on Wednesday, then the downtown campus on Thursday. All the participants were so nice and had great questions, and it could not have been more fun!

IGC isn't typically known for online dating, but I was thrilled for an opportunity to do some further research into this other aspect of dating. While IGC is in its season of growth, we need to become more well-rounded in the dating industry. Whereas traditional matchmaking will always be our focus, we are now offering many more options to members and non-members alike. Be on the lookout for more dating workshops, support groups, and a supper club (!) - we're even offering a profile writing service so you can have the best online experience with whatever site you choose! I am so happy to start covering many more aspects of dating, although matchmaking will remain near and dear to my heart. We simply want to be the "go to" place for all questions, concerns, and assistance about dating - in any medium.

The women at Northwestern could not have been more welcoming to me, and I hope this is the start of many more speaking engagements to come!

Here is a link to a slide show for the presentation at Northwestern. Enjoy!
http://news.medill.northwestern.edu/chicago/ss.aspx?id=157560

IGC Expands in 2010!

Perhaps most of you have heard, but I am so excited to announce the much-anticipated inclusion of the heterosexual community into the IGC family! This is something I've been asked about over the years - why don't I include straight people? My answer was always the same "Straight people have enough services - they don't need anymore." Looking back, I see that answer was pretty lame.

What if Dave Thomas, the founder of Wendy's had said "No one is going to come here when there's MacDonalds!"

What if Steve Wozniak, the builder of the first Apple computer, had thought "Why would anyone need more than one computer manufacturer?"

What if Starbuck's only served one type of coffee drink?? Oh, the horror!

There is always room for competition. There is not a finite amount of success that's available - it's unlimited. And do not think that using those mega-corporations as examples was a joke. We do good work here at IGC, I believe in this company, and I plan on growing it into a multi-national, multi-billion dollar enterprise. We are going to be a force to be reckoned with in the dating industry, and it starts happening in 2010!

Dating Karma

I have some clients that I call my "whole package clients" - they're attractive, fit, active, and then on top of that, they have the most amazing personalities! So sweet, and genuine, and humble about their success...truly guys who have the "whole package". (I could go on and on with fabulous adjectives, but you get the picture).

Every client who meets with one of my whole package clients inevitably loves them - no one can say anything even remotely negative about them. Every one loves them and every one hopes the WP calls him back. And as wonderful as the WP's are, they usually don't call back. Or text back. Or return the email sent their way.

I'm a big believer in Karma. It's been shown to me time and time again, both bad and good. Dating Karma is no different - what you put out there will come back to you. So why would anybody mess with that?

I think mostly it has to do with the fact that it's not always easy to say to someone, "I didn't feel any attraction between us, but I hope we can be friends." No one wants to be THAT guy or girl. What we need to understand is that you're not saying the person is unattractive (even if you felt that way). Chemistry, or lack thereof, isn't always indicative of looks. I've had feedback from clients who've said, "You know, I can see that he's an attractive guy, but I just didn't feel that spark. And I really wish I had - because he's very handsome!"

Chemistry is that elusive thing that often surprises us. How many of us have heard someone say, "I didn't think he/she was my type, but then...." It's always a good thing to remain open and really explore what's available to you.

But when you get to the end of the date, and the other person says, "So would you like to maybe go out again?" - if you aren't feeling any chemistry, NOW is the time to say, "I don't know that I feel a romantic connection between us, but I would love to hang out again as friends." Now, you will inevitably see that crestfallen look on their face, but trust me - this is so much better than the alternative! You will have been open and honest from the very beginning, and there are much worse reputations to have than that. You will also be helping the other person to move on quicker.

So, if you, in a weak moment, tell the other person, "Sure I'd love to! I'll call you-" then DO IT. Even if you call to say you're really busy right now and you hope to see them out and about soon, this will keep your Dating Karma clean. So call them back. Return that text or email. Be an honest person to the people that want to date you, so that the person YOU want to date does the same to you. Because just as with any of my clients, my WP's eventually meet someone they want to get to know better, and usually that person says, "Sure, I'll call you!" And the WP waits, and waits, and waits.