I have some clients that I call my "whole package clients" - they're attractive, fit, active, and then on top of that, they have the most amazing personalities! So sweet, and genuine, and humble about their success...truly guys who have the "whole package". (I could go on and on with fabulous adjectives, but you get the picture).
Every client who meets with one of my whole package clients inevitably loves them - no one can say anything even remotely negative about them. Every one loves them and every one hopes the WP calls him back. And as wonderful as the WP's are, they usually don't call back. Or text back. Or return the email sent their way.
I'm a big believer in Karma. It's been shown to me time and time again, both bad and good. Dating Karma is no different - what you put out there will come back to you. So why would anybody mess with that?
I think mostly it has to do with the fact that it's not always easy to say to someone, "I didn't feel any attraction between us, but I hope we can be friends." No one wants to be THAT guy or girl. What we need to understand is that you're not saying the person is unattractive (even if you felt that way). Chemistry, or lack thereof, isn't always indicative of looks. I've had feedback from clients who've said, "You know, I can see that he's an attractive guy, but I just didn't feel that spark. And I really wish I had - because he's very handsome!"
Chemistry is that elusive thing that often surprises us. How many of us have heard someone say, "I didn't think he/she was my type, but then...." It's always a good thing to remain open and really explore what's available to you.
But when you get to the end of the date, and the other person says, "So would you like to maybe go out again?" - if you aren't feeling any chemistry, NOW is the time to say, "I don't know that I feel a romantic connection between us, but I would love to hang out again as friends." Now, you will inevitably see that crestfallen look on their face, but trust me - this is so much better than the alternative! You will have been open and honest from the very beginning, and there are much worse reputations to have than that. You will also be helping the other person to move on quicker.
So, if you, in a weak moment, tell the other person, "Sure I'd love to! I'll call you-" then DO IT. Even if you call to say you're really busy right now and you hope to see them out and about soon, this will keep your Dating Karma clean. So call them back. Return that text or email. Be an honest person to the people that want to date you, so that the person YOU want to date does the same to you. Because just as with any of my clients, my WP's eventually meet someone they want to get to know better, and usually that person says, "Sure, I'll call you!" And the WP waits, and waits, and waits.
Friday, December 4, 2009
Thursday, October 29, 2009
The Level Playing Field
It's interesting hearing from clients who have used other gay dating services, and how much they paid. I'm always wondering - should I raise our fees? But as soon as I get concerned about alienating potential clients, someone comes in and tells me about a service they used in New York, or Canada, or California, and they paid over 5 times what we charge! And they end up getting a lot less. It makes me wonder: how is that company doing? Are they thriving? Struggling?
There is a school of thought that nothing is "too expensive" - people will always pay a price equal to the value they perceive the product is worth to them. So what is it exactly that my clients want; what is most important to them? Ease of use? Having their own personal matchmaker? Or is it finding that life partner?
Even typing this, I'm thinking, "well that's obvious - they want to find a life partner." But I have many clients who, quite simply, are too busy to date on their own. Now - if they happen to find a life partner, great! But that is not their main goal. Their main goal is to not be sitting at home every night, after working a 12-hour day, and only have their dog or the TV as companionship.
I constantly try and figure out what do my clients find most valuable about IGC. It's different for everyone, but the great thing is - we can fill all those needs. The guy who wants help getting over his shyness? Done. The woman who has just come out at 52 years of age and wants to dip her toe in the water? No problem. The guy who has sowed his wild oats, and is ready to settle down - white picket fence, 2.5 kids, a husband, the works - absolutely. And so many more! We get all types here, looking for all types.
I would say the main thing is that most clients are looking to be on a level playing field - financially, emotionally, physically, etc. We don't have an income requirement here; we have 3rd grade math teachers, all the way up to C-level executives. But regardless of income, there is a level of responsibility, maturity, and sincerity that is prevalent at IGC, and sometimes difficult to find elsewhere.
I talked with a client the other day who was complaining about someone he met on his own. They decided to meet for coffee, and began to get hungry. My client said, "There's a Cheesecake Factory close by; how about that?" to which his date replied, "Isn't that expensive?" My client felt like rolling his eyes: he's no millionaire, but he can afford a lunch at The Cheesecake Factory.
I asked my client how he met this person. "Online". Ok, which site? "Match.com" And how much is that a month? "Um, around $20". So why are you complaining about someone who doesn't want to spend any money, when you met them on a site where you hardly have to spend any money? Does that make sense?
I admit that after doing this for a number of years, I tend to forget to sell IGC to potential clients. I have to remind myself that it is part of my job to show people the value of In Good Company and what we can do. I just think it's so great and that everyone should do it! :) But it's important for me to educate people on what we do exactly, what we can promise, and what we can't.
Then again, if you're gay or lesbian, and single, get in here!!!
There is a school of thought that nothing is "too expensive" - people will always pay a price equal to the value they perceive the product is worth to them. So what is it exactly that my clients want; what is most important to them? Ease of use? Having their own personal matchmaker? Or is it finding that life partner?
Even typing this, I'm thinking, "well that's obvious - they want to find a life partner." But I have many clients who, quite simply, are too busy to date on their own. Now - if they happen to find a life partner, great! But that is not their main goal. Their main goal is to not be sitting at home every night, after working a 12-hour day, and only have their dog or the TV as companionship.
I constantly try and figure out what do my clients find most valuable about IGC. It's different for everyone, but the great thing is - we can fill all those needs. The guy who wants help getting over his shyness? Done. The woman who has just come out at 52 years of age and wants to dip her toe in the water? No problem. The guy who has sowed his wild oats, and is ready to settle down - white picket fence, 2.5 kids, a husband, the works - absolutely. And so many more! We get all types here, looking for all types.
I would say the main thing is that most clients are looking to be on a level playing field - financially, emotionally, physically, etc. We don't have an income requirement here; we have 3rd grade math teachers, all the way up to C-level executives. But regardless of income, there is a level of responsibility, maturity, and sincerity that is prevalent at IGC, and sometimes difficult to find elsewhere.
I talked with a client the other day who was complaining about someone he met on his own. They decided to meet for coffee, and began to get hungry. My client said, "There's a Cheesecake Factory close by; how about that?" to which his date replied, "Isn't that expensive?" My client felt like rolling his eyes: he's no millionaire, but he can afford a lunch at The Cheesecake Factory.
I asked my client how he met this person. "Online". Ok, which site? "Match.com" And how much is that a month? "Um, around $20". So why are you complaining about someone who doesn't want to spend any money, when you met them on a site where you hardly have to spend any money? Does that make sense?
I admit that after doing this for a number of years, I tend to forget to sell IGC to potential clients. I have to remind myself that it is part of my job to show people the value of In Good Company and what we can do. I just think it's so great and that everyone should do it! :) But it's important for me to educate people on what we do exactly, what we can promise, and what we can't.
Then again, if you're gay or lesbian, and single, get in here!!!
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Bleeding Hearts
I've been pondering this question for a while now. I feel like I'm seeing a lot of lesbians lately "settling" for someone that's really not a great fit for them. It seems especially prevalent in my life right now (thankfully, not for me). This whole idea of "she checks off 3 of the 5 boxes, so I guess we'll be girlfriends" doesn't sit well with me.
Now I know that no one's perfect, but there appears to be a lot of settling going on. The attitude seems to be "we have a lot of fun together and even though she's not ultimately what I want or cannot bring what I need to the table, I'll be her girlfriend anyway - until I meet someone else." This logic of biding one's time with the emotions of another until something better comes along seems awfully flawed to me, and a recipe for an emotional disaster. (Not to mention, yet another reason to DATE, rather than immediately become committed to someone.)
Having said that - I DO believe that we are with people for a reason. I think we learn things from each other that better shape us to become the human beings we were meant to be, and when those lessons are learned, we move on. Sometimes easy, sometimes very, very hard; but the key words are "move on." What's the saying? "Leave the person better than you found them" or something to that effect. But can you do that when it's a poor fit to begin with? Is that possible, when the two of you shouldn't even be together at all?
I feel like these women are trying to make something out of nothing. And I wonder: do they think there isn't anything better out there? Do they think they will never find that one true love again? I posed this question to a friend of mine, and her answer was, with no hesitation, "Yes. That's exactly it. Cannot imagine getting that lucky twice."
Which begs the question: will the universe conspire to help you in getting what you want, if the message you send is "this is fine for now, actually; thankyouverymuch" ?
I also think lesbians, in particular, tend to overlook "deal breakers"; attempting to convince themselves that particular "big deals" are not, in fact, big deals at all. Not attracted to her? Oh well. I'll just try and overlook that. You want a relationship, but she is not and will not be at any time in the near future ready or available to be in a relationship? Ok then, I'll still hang around.
These are big deals, people! These flags are so red they look like they're bleeding.
One of our tag lines is "Someone is waiting to meet you." I truly believe this: whether it's through IGC or not - someone IS waiting to meet you. But you have to be available to meet THEM. You have to get rid of the old to make way for the new. This goes for shoes and partners. :)
I know the reason I'm comfortable saying this is because I see the database of people we have at IGC every single day. I KNOW that there are so many more "fish in the sea" than people in our community think there are. Personally, I know you can find that love again - the love you thought was only going to happen to you once. You have to be open to it, you have to trust that it will happen. You have to welcome it into your life with open arms; and I don't know that you can do that when your arms are around someone else.
I also want you to be grateful for that "once-in-a-lifetime" love; because now you know what it feels like. And if you are someone who has "settled", you know it's different than how you feel now. Don't settle until you find it again! And you will - I know this.
Now I know that no one's perfect, but there appears to be a lot of settling going on. The attitude seems to be "we have a lot of fun together and even though she's not ultimately what I want or cannot bring what I need to the table, I'll be her girlfriend anyway - until I meet someone else." This logic of biding one's time with the emotions of another until something better comes along seems awfully flawed to me, and a recipe for an emotional disaster. (Not to mention, yet another reason to DATE, rather than immediately become committed to someone.)
Having said that - I DO believe that we are with people for a reason. I think we learn things from each other that better shape us to become the human beings we were meant to be, and when those lessons are learned, we move on. Sometimes easy, sometimes very, very hard; but the key words are "move on." What's the saying? "Leave the person better than you found them" or something to that effect. But can you do that when it's a poor fit to begin with? Is that possible, when the two of you shouldn't even be together at all?
I feel like these women are trying to make something out of nothing. And I wonder: do they think there isn't anything better out there? Do they think they will never find that one true love again? I posed this question to a friend of mine, and her answer was, with no hesitation, "Yes. That's exactly it. Cannot imagine getting that lucky twice."
Which begs the question: will the universe conspire to help you in getting what you want, if the message you send is "this is fine for now, actually; thankyouverymuch" ?
I also think lesbians, in particular, tend to overlook "deal breakers"; attempting to convince themselves that particular "big deals" are not, in fact, big deals at all. Not attracted to her? Oh well. I'll just try and overlook that. You want a relationship, but she is not and will not be at any time in the near future ready or available to be in a relationship? Ok then, I'll still hang around.
These are big deals, people! These flags are so red they look like they're bleeding.
One of our tag lines is "Someone is waiting to meet you." I truly believe this: whether it's through IGC or not - someone IS waiting to meet you. But you have to be available to meet THEM. You have to get rid of the old to make way for the new. This goes for shoes and partners. :)
I know the reason I'm comfortable saying this is because I see the database of people we have at IGC every single day. I KNOW that there are so many more "fish in the sea" than people in our community think there are. Personally, I know you can find that love again - the love you thought was only going to happen to you once. You have to be open to it, you have to trust that it will happen. You have to welcome it into your life with open arms; and I don't know that you can do that when your arms are around someone else.
I also want you to be grateful for that "once-in-a-lifetime" love; because now you know what it feels like. And if you are someone who has "settled", you know it's different than how you feel now. Don't settle until you find it again! And you will - I know this.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Dating Workshop
Tomorrow is our 3rd dating workshop, and I have been so impressed with the turnout we've been getting these last few months! As the date creeps closer, I always get nervous because there aren't many people signed up, then the day before - BAM! It's phone call after phone call - people pre-registering for the workshop.
I'm so excited about the one we're doing tomorrow, because we're having one of our IGC success stories come and speak about his experience. We're still doing the top 5 dating tips, but at one point, I'll bring Frank up to speak. This is going to be great because he will be speaking from his heart - there isn't anything I've asked him to say or not to mention. Frank was, truly, one of our perfect dates - he had 15 introductions, and not one person could say ANYTHING negative about him! Nothing! I just love him, and I especially love he and Bob together - what a great couple!
The funny thing is - in the last two workshops, I talked about Frank. It was only at the last workshop that we received feedback asking that we bring in an IGC success story. In thinking about who I wanted to ask, all of a sudden I thought: well, duh! Frank! I called him the next day and he agreed.
I've also been thinking about having a dating workshop for just the women, and bringing in two of our lesbian success stories. They've jokingly told me that they feel they are the "IGC Poster Couple" and I agree!! :)
It's weird though - I feel like both women and men can learn from Frank and the way he approached every introduction, but to bring two women in to speak....I'm not sure if it will hit home with the guys as much. I don't really know why. I'm sort of figuring this out as I type. But I've been thinking about it....
Maybe it just comes down to the fact that I think my guys are better daters than my girls. The women will have one great date, then call me and put their memberships on Hold. My guys will have one great date, then call me and say, "Ok who else you got for me?" Now - that same guy will eventually put his membership on Hold for that one great date, but not until he has met 2 or 3 other guys, and gone out with that great date for at least another month. Is that necessarily better? I don't know. What works for one person might not work for another, but I have to say - I think erring on the side of more dating versus less dating is almost always the better idea. Us lesbians have been known to "nest" rather quickly.
Frank went out 15 times, but ended up with his SECOND match. Is it because he took the time to get to know his second match, without the pressure of putting all his eggs in one basket? In other words, did he fare better because there was no pressure of "oh this guy is great and I could totally see myself with him for a long time so therefore I'm shunning any other possibilities"? I think so.
At any rate, I'm so excited to hear what Frank has to say to our participants tomorrow, so if you're reading this and haven't signed up yet to join us - trust me, just do it! :)
I'm so excited about the one we're doing tomorrow, because we're having one of our IGC success stories come and speak about his experience. We're still doing the top 5 dating tips, but at one point, I'll bring Frank up to speak. This is going to be great because he will be speaking from his heart - there isn't anything I've asked him to say or not to mention. Frank was, truly, one of our perfect dates - he had 15 introductions, and not one person could say ANYTHING negative about him! Nothing! I just love him, and I especially love he and Bob together - what a great couple!
The funny thing is - in the last two workshops, I talked about Frank. It was only at the last workshop that we received feedback asking that we bring in an IGC success story. In thinking about who I wanted to ask, all of a sudden I thought: well, duh! Frank! I called him the next day and he agreed.
I've also been thinking about having a dating workshop for just the women, and bringing in two of our lesbian success stories. They've jokingly told me that they feel they are the "IGC Poster Couple" and I agree!! :)
It's weird though - I feel like both women and men can learn from Frank and the way he approached every introduction, but to bring two women in to speak....I'm not sure if it will hit home with the guys as much. I don't really know why. I'm sort of figuring this out as I type. But I've been thinking about it....
Maybe it just comes down to the fact that I think my guys are better daters than my girls. The women will have one great date, then call me and put their memberships on Hold. My guys will have one great date, then call me and say, "Ok who else you got for me?" Now - that same guy will eventually put his membership on Hold for that one great date, but not until he has met 2 or 3 other guys, and gone out with that great date for at least another month. Is that necessarily better? I don't know. What works for one person might not work for another, but I have to say - I think erring on the side of more dating versus less dating is almost always the better idea. Us lesbians have been known to "nest" rather quickly.
Frank went out 15 times, but ended up with his SECOND match. Is it because he took the time to get to know his second match, without the pressure of putting all his eggs in one basket? In other words, did he fare better because there was no pressure of "oh this guy is great and I could totally see myself with him for a long time so therefore I'm shunning any other possibilities"? I think so.
At any rate, I'm so excited to hear what Frank has to say to our participants tomorrow, so if you're reading this and haven't signed up yet to join us - trust me, just do it! :)
Friday, July 3, 2009
What's with the attitude?
Lately there's been a rash of clients who are doing nothing but whining! It's like I have to twist their arm just to get them to go out! I don't understand - would you just give up if you went on 5 job interviews and were still jobless? Of course not! Would you say, "Well ok, I guess I'm gonna live on the street now." No way! You get back up on the horse and you try, try again. Good grief!! I just don't get it. Clients who came in for their initial interview and were so full of life and good energy and enthusiasm now sound on the phone like they just came from a funeral. Or they're on a heavy dose of Valium.
Look - if I could guarantee you'd meet your life partner thru IGC, we'd have a much different pricing structure. But good grief! Get a grip people! You want to date? You're GOING to date! So get over it, and get on with it!
Look - if I could guarantee you'd meet your life partner thru IGC, we'd have a much different pricing structure. But good grief! Get a grip people! You want to date? You're GOING to date! So get over it, and get on with it!
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
You don't have to sue us to get a date
Oh boy do I have a lot to say about this eHarmony/Compatible Partners thing.
For those of you who don't know, eHarmony has been sued a couple of times for discrimination. As best I understand, it has fallen under the state laws that say you can't discriminate against anyone because of their sexual orientation. eHarmony hasn't admitted any wrongdoing, but they have started to allow gays and lesbians to use their site, calling it "Compatible Partners".
For years I've had clients ask me about eHarmony, and why they didn't allow gays and lesbians. eHarmony's stance (I was told) was that they believed a "healthy" relationship existed between a man and a woman (Heidi and Spencer notwithstanding). I just figured eHarmony didn't need or want any more money.
So now, under duress, they've opened up their algorithms to our community, after shunning us for years. They've finally said, "Ooooook, we'll match you up, even though you know we don't agree with your 'lifestyle'." Is this really what my community has been waiting for?
Let's not forget too - that you can be anyone you want to be online. You can be single, outgoing, and funny; you could be a C-level executive instead of a part-time barista at Starbuck's; you could be a straight man who has a deep, abiding, religiously-born desire to bring harm to anyone who would dare label themselves as "gay". Of course, this is true of any online service. You have to be careful.
It's just so different here at In Good Company. People actually ARE who they say they are. Plus, they have to get through me first ;) It's been 5 years for us, and we have yet to have anyone misrepresent themselves (aside from removing a few years from their age - you know who you are! But that's ok - I do too ;) My clients who are HIV+ have told me they are; my prospective clients who are still married to women have told me (even though I couldn't have them join). I also don't think anyone who's dropping the cash for our fees wants to be dishonest - you can lie for a lot cheaper.
It also disturbs me because I think they are going to make a killing, cash-wise. And here we are, taking it day by day in this difficult economy. Where we opened solely for the gay and lesbian community and have kept our focus on that, they have begrudgingly - finally - decided to take our money.
So where will you go, current or prospective IGC client? Will you continue to spend hours online each night, hoping the information you are reading about someone is accurate? Then hoping one of you has the nerve to suggest a meeting? Or will you hire someone to do all that for you - to let you focus on your professional life, while we find great matches for you, give you factual information about them, even set up the introduction in a casual, low-stress environment. That's what In Good Company does for the Chicagoland gay and lesbian community, and what we've been doing since 2005.
Want to date within the gay and lesbian community? You don't have to set a legal precedent; just set an appointment with In Good Company.
For those of you who don't know, eHarmony has been sued a couple of times for discrimination. As best I understand, it has fallen under the state laws that say you can't discriminate against anyone because of their sexual orientation. eHarmony hasn't admitted any wrongdoing, but they have started to allow gays and lesbians to use their site, calling it "Compatible Partners".
For years I've had clients ask me about eHarmony, and why they didn't allow gays and lesbians. eHarmony's stance (I was told) was that they believed a "healthy" relationship existed between a man and a woman (Heidi and Spencer notwithstanding). I just figured eHarmony didn't need or want any more money.
So now, under duress, they've opened up their algorithms to our community, after shunning us for years. They've finally said, "Ooooook, we'll match you up, even though you know we don't agree with your 'lifestyle'." Is this really what my community has been waiting for?
Let's not forget too - that you can be anyone you want to be online. You can be single, outgoing, and funny; you could be a C-level executive instead of a part-time barista at Starbuck's; you could be a straight man who has a deep, abiding, religiously-born desire to bring harm to anyone who would dare label themselves as "gay". Of course, this is true of any online service. You have to be careful.
It's just so different here at In Good Company. People actually ARE who they say they are. Plus, they have to get through me first ;) It's been 5 years for us, and we have yet to have anyone misrepresent themselves (aside from removing a few years from their age - you know who you are! But that's ok - I do too ;) My clients who are HIV+ have told me they are; my prospective clients who are still married to women have told me (even though I couldn't have them join). I also don't think anyone who's dropping the cash for our fees wants to be dishonest - you can lie for a lot cheaper.
It also disturbs me because I think they are going to make a killing, cash-wise. And here we are, taking it day by day in this difficult economy. Where we opened solely for the gay and lesbian community and have kept our focus on that, they have begrudgingly - finally - decided to take our money.
So where will you go, current or prospective IGC client? Will you continue to spend hours online each night, hoping the information you are reading about someone is accurate? Then hoping one of you has the nerve to suggest a meeting? Or will you hire someone to do all that for you - to let you focus on your professional life, while we find great matches for you, give you factual information about them, even set up the introduction in a casual, low-stress environment. That's what In Good Company does for the Chicagoland gay and lesbian community, and what we've been doing since 2005.
Want to date within the gay and lesbian community? You don't have to set a legal precedent; just set an appointment with In Good Company.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Twittering
Ok, ok - so I'm trying to hop on the Twitter bandwagon. I know - I'm way behind in utilizing this (I'm being told "useful") tool in promoting my business. So I'm trying. Trying to think of something useful and insightful to post. I feel like I have all these good ideas but when I go to twitter them (tweet them? twit them? I'm so behind on the lingo, too) I forget. Or they don't sound very profound. Or useful.
Everyone I'm following - Katie Couric, Martha Stewart, Exec Tweets - even Samantha Ronson - seem to have funny, witty, or intelligent posts. My latest? "Must must must create multiple revenue streams!" Well, duh!
Speaking of, IGC is starting to hold workshops on Dating. Advice, best practices, tips, etc. After getting feedback on thousands of introductions, we have compiled some really useful information that needs to get out there - trust me! You wouldn't think you would really need to tell people how to dress appropriately for a first introduction, but apparently - you do! There's a lot more to it though; good questions to ask, how to follow up with pertinent information, even the best way to end the introduction. We have a lot of information and it's time to share it! We will have a special page on our website that gives all the details (as soon as we set a date.)
IGC is also experimenting with different advertising venues. I checked out Facebook advertising...I don't really feel like our clients are hanging out on Facebook every day, but they allow you to target your ideal market, so I gave it a shot. Do you know that after I put it "College grad", "Single", "Looking for Men", and the age range of 35-60 - it said there were fewer than 20 people with this criteria??!! And that was within a 25 mile radius of Chicago! Ok so our clients are NOT on Facebook :)
So I'm off to Twit. Or Twitter. Something creative, something insightful, something gay. We shall see.
Everyone I'm following - Katie Couric, Martha Stewart, Exec Tweets - even Samantha Ronson - seem to have funny, witty, or intelligent posts. My latest? "Must must must create multiple revenue streams!" Well, duh!
Speaking of, IGC is starting to hold workshops on Dating. Advice, best practices, tips, etc. After getting feedback on thousands of introductions, we have compiled some really useful information that needs to get out there - trust me! You wouldn't think you would really need to tell people how to dress appropriately for a first introduction, but apparently - you do! There's a lot more to it though; good questions to ask, how to follow up with pertinent information, even the best way to end the introduction. We have a lot of information and it's time to share it! We will have a special page on our website that gives all the details (as soon as we set a date.)
IGC is also experimenting with different advertising venues. I checked out Facebook advertising...I don't really feel like our clients are hanging out on Facebook every day, but they allow you to target your ideal market, so I gave it a shot. Do you know that after I put it "College grad", "Single", "Looking for Men", and the age range of 35-60 - it said there were fewer than 20 people with this criteria??!! And that was within a 25 mile radius of Chicago! Ok so our clients are NOT on Facebook :)
So I'm off to Twit. Or Twitter. Something creative, something insightful, something gay. We shall see.
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