12 Big Dating Turn-Offs: #8

8. No Eye Contact

Ever had a date with someone and about 20 minutes in, you're just about begging them to LOOK AT YOU? I actually said that to someone I went on a date with 5 years ago. Perhaps it's the matchmaker in me, but I just couldn't take it anymore and finally slammed my hand down on the table to get her attention and said, "Julie! Look at me!"

She was a fine conversationalist, but she just refused to look me in the eye. Unfortunately the lack of eye contact superseded all the other great qualities about her. A second date was out of the question.

When you're on a date, you must look the other person in the eye. I know what you're thinking: duh! But you'd be surprised at how often I hear this from my clients. When you're not giving your full attention to your date, they can see it and feel it. It makes for an awkward conversation, with your date wondering the entire time "why isn't he/she looking at me?"

I've said it before numerous times: your first date is like a job interview. Can you imagine being on a job interview and not looking the interviewee in the eye? Of course not! You must show your confidence and interest in the person (job).

Besides, lack of eye contact can make you appear restless, easily distracted, and fidgety. Are those the impressions you want your date to have of you?

From now on, make a special effort to focus on the person you're talking with, and see if you catch yourself looking around for distractions. And goodness knows - stop looking at all the cute boys that pass by your table!! Your date sees that too.

12 Big Dating Turn-Offs: #9

9. Name Dropping and Income-Indicating

If there's one thing that will turn your date sour in a heartbeat, it's bragging about yourself; and there is a very clear distinction between being confident and being arrogant.

Here at IGC, we attract a certain type of clientele. We don't have an income requirement by any stretch of the imagination, but our pricing helps ensure that we retain a certain level of professionalism, maturity, and stability within our client base. And when you have that type of person who is also genuine and down to earth, it makes it easier to get to know them because there's no pretense; whether or not they drive off in a Mercedes.

When someone feels the need to boast about who they know or how much money they make, it's a clear indication of a lack of self-esteem. If you feel the need to self-aggrandize in order to "sell" yourself to your date, it's time to strip away the pretense. Having money and knowing famous people is great, but it won't keep you warm at night. Besides, you need to be with someone who will love you regardless of how much, or how little, money you have.

Besides, it's just flat-out not attractive to "boast" for the sake of boasting. Keep your cards close to your chest so you don't attract opportunists. Remember, if you advertise it, you must want people to come get it.

As a very wealthy woman once told me, "When you reach a certain level of professional and financial success, you realize that you don't really want people to know too many details about you. If you make a spectacle of yourself, it cultivates a breeding ground of people who will take advantage of you and your status." There's nothing wrong with being confident and accomplished, just temper it with a bit of humbleness.

And as for the very wealthy woman I mentioned above? You can find her name on countless plaques across the city for her philanthropic work. Just look for the placard inscribed "Generously Donated By Anonymous".

12 Big Dating Turn-Offs: #10

10: Talking About Your Religion. Excessively.

Everyone has their own beliefs and their own way of expressing those beliefs. But just like politics, there is very little room for religion during first date conversation.

If you want to briefly share your beliefs, perhaps the church you attend; fine. But limit that conversation to 5 minutes MAX. Religion is such a deeply personal thing - and like most personal things, it should come out on the 4th or 5th date to be discussed in more depth. It's at this point that you and the person you're dating begin to really connect on a deeper level, sharing more intimate details that make up who you are as a person.

So keep first date conversation light, and save the more intimate conversation for when you are, in fact, more intimate.

And if you are a part of something where you feel the urge to tell people "it's not a cult", it probably is. If you hear that statement from your date's mouth, run. They have no room for you in their life.

12 Big Dating Turn-Offs: #11

11. Being Clingy

A good example of this is when you have a date with someone, they don't hear from you within 24 hours, so you get a text from them that says "Are we ok?"

"We"? There is no "we"! This is called DATING; not WE HAD ONE DATE SO NOW I'M YOUR GIRLFRIEND. Give your date some space and chill out. Not every date is going to hit it out of the ballpark for you, and vice versa. Some people find it easier to avoid the "Let's just be friends" conversation. If you get no phone call or email, then that's the message they're sending.

On the other hand, if you had a good time with someone, it's perfectly fine to text, email, or call them later to say so. Just don't get upset if you don't hear back from them. Yes - returning ones phone call is the polite thing to do, but not everyone does it (and we've all been there).

Here are some clingy behaviors to avoid when it's still early in the game:

*calling every day

*asking to meet the parents

*asking to meet their friends

*sharing too much personal information

*expecting them to help you out emotionally and/or financially

Confidence is sexy; neediness is not. Act accordingly!

12 Big Dating Turn-Offs

I find some people are their own worst enemy when it comes to dating. Either they think they're doing the right thing by trying to impress their date, or they're completely unaware that they are sabotaging things!

So here is the countdown of the Top 12 Big Dating Turn-Offs, one at a time. Keep coming back for more!!

12. Not Being Well-Read

You must must must keep abreast of current events. Even better if you can develop what I call a "wide range of intelligence". You should be able to discuss everything from politics to a favorite reality TV show, and everything in between. Think of date conversation as Chicago's very own Red Eye - a little of this and a little of that.

You need to be able to find a jumping-off point for almost any conversation starter that's thrown your way. You don't have to be an expert in world affairs, but you do need to know that France's President is Nicolas Sarkozy. You don't have to watch "Survivor", but you need to know that it's still on TV.

The more well-versed you are on various topics, the easier first date conversation will be. And if you can make it easier on yourself, why not?

Will IGC Be On Reality TV?

We've had an interesting week - we are in the process of finalizing our first Supper Club (which is tentatively scheduled for April 19), our first Support/Peer Group is set to begin April 7, AND - I was interviewed to potentially be on a reality show about matchmakers!!

The interview was a lot of fun, and the producers were great to talk with. But I'll be honest: I left there feeling a bit dejected. I felt like perhaps the way I run IGC wasn't as "drama filled" as they would prefer. Maybe it IS great for TV - and maybe I'm just too used to it to really see that. I know that I want to be cast on the show - it would be great for business and also great for people to see an out-lesbian-business owner on TV.

I kept wondering if they were looking for someone like Patti Stanger, the Millionaire Matchmaker. While I admire everything she's accomplished, I'm just not like her. I don't cuss out my clients! We just don't attract that type of clientele. If I interview someone who is "too big for his britches" (as my mom used to say!) then I don't accept them as a client. I'm not here to fight with my clients - I'm here to do everything I can to find them a loving, long-lasting relationship.

Now this is not to say we don't have any drama. Boy oh boy is there some drama! But it's my job to smooth that over; not to fan the flame. This is very serious stuff we're dealing with here: this is people's personal lives! I have to be as delicate as possible, while assisting my clients in putting their best foot forward so the odds are in their favor.

They asked me in the interview if I would feel comfortable commenting on how the date was going (apparently there would be cameras there on the date). I said absolutely! Do you guys have any idea how much I would love to be a fly on the wall when you're out with your matches? To see who's doing what wrong; who's doing things right; who is giving the wrong impression; who isn't following my dating workshop tips (Sidenote: those clients who have attended my Dating Workshop all say the same thing: they always know when they meet a client who HASN'T been to the workshop! So if you haven't signed up for it yet, do it today).

On the other hand, my partner and my friends have all said the same thing: that I can be pretty bitchy! (They've also said this is a compliment...hmmmmm...) I don't know that I really see that. I know I'm confident, self-assured, and I don't let myself get pushed around. Perhaps that's seen as bitchy? So this goes back to what I said earlier: maybe I'm just too used to it, but that doesn't mean that it wouldn't make for good TV!

Another thing I would need to find is clients or prospective clients who would be willing to, essentially, "be gay on TV." It's one thing for my clients to be out at work or to their families: it's another thing entirely to be on TV on a gay date for all of Chicagoland to see. Let's say that the single person they cast has potentially 30 good matches with which I could provide him/her. But how many of those 30 are willing to have their date filmed? This presents an interesting challenge, but one I am ready to tackle!!

Let me know your thoughts: how would YOU feel about being gay on TV?

Northwestern provides inspiration!

I had the BEST experience last week! I was invited by the Women's Center at Northwestern University to speak about online dating. I went to the Evanston campus on Wednesday, then the downtown campus on Thursday. All the participants were so nice and had great questions, and it could not have been more fun!

IGC isn't typically known for online dating, but I was thrilled for an opportunity to do some further research into this other aspect of dating. While IGC is in its season of growth, we need to become more well-rounded in the dating industry. Whereas traditional matchmaking will always be our focus, we are now offering many more options to members and non-members alike. Be on the lookout for more dating workshops, support groups, and a supper club (!) - we're even offering a profile writing service so you can have the best online experience with whatever site you choose! I am so happy to start covering many more aspects of dating, although matchmaking will remain near and dear to my heart. We simply want to be the "go to" place for all questions, concerns, and assistance about dating - in any medium.

The women at Northwestern could not have been more welcoming to me, and I hope this is the start of many more speaking engagements to come!

Here is a link to a slide show for the presentation at Northwestern. Enjoy!
http://news.medill.northwestern.edu/chicago/ss.aspx?id=157560