in good company: a better way to meet people

The New Year and Dating

2012-01-07T13:04:00.004-06:00

January has always been a stellar month for us. People have been home for the holidays and been asked 10 times over "So who are you dating?" Ten times over the response has been "No one in particular."

Then New Year's Eve hits us. The night ends with either no kiss at midnight, or one that doesn't mean anything. New Year's resolutions kick in, and guess what? It's time to be proactive about your dating life!

You don't get a job sitting at home on the couch, and the perfect person for you doesn't fall from the sky and knock on your door. You have to put yourself in front of the people you want to meet. It's a pretty big message you send to the universe when you become an IGC client - many of my clients report that they hear from exes, and start meeting more people when they are out and about, in addition to the qualified matches we make for them. I believe the universe sees our effort and energy, and gives us exactly what we want.

We're so fortunate to work with such an amazing, talented, smart and successful group of clients. Kudos to all of you who take the risk and put yourselves out there! Dating is emotional, but we do everything we can to make it as easy as possible.

Speaking of holidays - don't let Valentine's Day sneak up on you. Call Shannon today to schedule your interview, and tell 2012 that you mean business!

I believe that 2012 is going to be an amazing year for us!

No Rest For The Weary

2011-07-02T07:42:00.005-05:00

I wonder how many of us are aware of time. I mean, really aware of the time we have. I know for myself, I get up, and do the same routine every morning: grab a grande-sweetened-iced-coffee-with-soy-and-extra-ice, work work work, go home at some point to sleep, then start all over again. How many times have I done this? Thousands? Hundreds of thousands?

While I love my career and it's very fulfilling, I know in the back of my mind, I'm waiting for something big to happen. Whether it's a huge career opportunity, or that special person: I'm waiting for it. I continue my routine every single day, anticipating the "thing" that will swoop in to change my life and make it even better. From a professional standpoint, that actually might be happening. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, and it would be huge for IGC and my clients. If that comes to fruition, then the only other big change I want in my life would be a partner.

I think about my clients, and how smart they are to have someone looking out for their best interests. But who advises the CEO? Who trains the trainer? Who matches the matchmaker?

My clients are a busy lot: 60 hour work weeks, plus time at the gym. Add in family and friends, and there's little time to focus on dating. Which is obviously where In Good Company comes in. But with all our routines, do we really have time for a relationship? I'll have Client A meet Client B, and they both really enjoyed their time together. And Client A will have every intention of calling Client B and seeing him again. But Client A can't make it happen for another 2 weeks because of his schedule. Client B then wonders if Client A really has time for a relationship.

Does Client A wonder the same thing? Do we believe that when the right person comes along, everything really WILL change? Or, are we fooling ourselves into thinking that adding one more element into our bustling routine will actually make things easier, rather than more difficult? Dating is one thing; relationships are another.

For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin – real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Life would begin. At last it dawned on me to see that these obstacles were my life. This perspective has helped me to see that there is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way. So, treasure every moment you have and treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time…and remember that time waits for no one… Happiness is a journey and not a destination. - Alfred D. Souza

Will Work For Love

2011-06-15T14:16:00.004-05:00

The other day, a friend was lamenting to me about the difficulties in her relationship. She said, "I feel that it shouldn't be this much work." In talking about it further, I realized this went beyond her partner's odd sleeping habits or the fact that one of them wants to only eat vegan. The allowances and concessions (that I mentioned in an earlier blog) were becoming too large for my friend to handle.

One of them has an especially sharp tongue; words that sting fly out of her mouth with a swiftness that is disturbing. The other one travels so much for work that her partner feels neglected. Bottom line? They are starting to not get along and resentment is slowly but surely building. So I've been thinking: when it comes to relationships, when does the relationship work become too much work?

It's a very gray area. Relationships aren't all fun and games; there is work to be done, for sure. But know this: if the work you put into your relationship leaves you drained rather than energized, it might be time to explore your options. If the work you put into your relationship lessens your sexual desire for your partner, it's time for the two of you to sit down and have a serious discussion. Realizing there's an issue is a good first step.

Prizes Make The World Go 'Round

2011-06-13T14:32:00.005-05:00

We all make allowances and concessions for our partners. You all know by now how I feel about gum chewing in public; yet my ex LOVED gum and I actually took a lot of pleasure in buying it for her anytime I was standing in the check-out line. My dad once told my step mom he loved it when her nails were painted red; now it's pretty much the only color she gets during her manicure.

I think it's important to do things for your partner that make them happy. In turn, it makes US happy. And it shows your partner that you care about them. One of the best ways to do that is to give prizes.

I'm a big advocate of prizes. And I mean prizes for no particular reason and with no particular price point. Now, do I prefer a prize that has a comma in the price tag? Of course. But can it also be a peanut butter cup? Absolutely. Prizes are a way of showing someone that you think about them even when they aren't around. That's what the gum was for me - a small way of showing her that she was on my mind when I was by myself.

Some people either don't believe in prizes, or they don't think they are necessary. Let me be the first to tell you; they are very necessary. When was the last time you picked up a Starbucks card before heading to your boyfriend's house? Or sent your girlfriend flowers at work, simply because it was a Monday?

Some people think they don't need to buy prizes because they show their love in other ways. Perhaps you're a great cook, or give good massages. But never underestimate the power of "I saw this today and thought of you." You are offering your love - whether it's with a $15 itunes gift card, or a Gucci dress. The message is the same: "I knew this would make you happy."

Pride Month and PR!

2011-06-10T16:06:00.004-05:00

Pride month is finally here! All of a sudden my social calendar is bulging at the seams. I attended Baird and Warner's "Out Of The Office" last Tuesday at the Dana Hotel - what a great time! I've always enjoyed this event as it kicks off pride month for us here at In Good Company. The folks at Baird and Warner know how to throw a great party!

Afterward a friend and I went downstairs for dinner at Aja. If you haven't been there, do yourself a HUGE favor and go today! I'm not a huge fan of raw tuna, but I have to say - it melted on my tongue. Delish! And they have a lovely outdoor seating area.

This past Wednesday was the first time we've held our dating workshop outside our conference room. We began a 3-month run at the Discovery Center, and could not have been more pleased. Everything we needed was already set up for us, and we unveiled our Top 10 Dating Tips to the participants. The next workshop is July 17 at 2p. Sign up here and join us! As I was preparing for this expanded workshop, I realized that I was laying the groundwork for what could be a really great book! So it's officially in my daily calendar: "work on book." I'll be sure to keep you posted on this blog, which is another thing I'm going to do better. I can't promise you that every posting will be hugely entertaining, but I'll try to give you information that is useful and/or interesting.

Speaking of interesting, did you know that I was on the radio a couple of weeks ago? Follow In Good Company on Facebook and Twitter so you'll be the first to know about any press we receive. Remember, the more press we get, the more clients we get - and the more matches for all of you! You can listen to the interview here. Luis and Shantell were awesome and they made me feel so comfortable.

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!

Transparency in Business

2011-02-16T10:47:00.002-06:00

I preach it to my clients and colleagues: this is what I CAN do, this is what I CAN'T. Being honest and truthful about what your services are is paramount in keeping your integrity and reputation intact. Peter Shankman writes about it in his blog. Check it out here.

Top 12 Big Dating Turn-Offs: #4

2011-01-25T16:12:00.002-06:00

4. Chewing Gum!

Chewing gum in public, especially on a date, is one of the worst things you can do. Why? Because no one looks good chewing gum! It's like a cow chewing its cud. (If you don't know what that is, google it. Then go spit out your gum.)

When you chew gum on a date, it's floating around in your mouth as you talk, and it becomes the only thing your date can focus on. Or you don't even realize you're smacking it! At best, it's impolite in any professional situation. At its worst, you look like a hillbilly.

I had a client who said it best: "Gum chewing, like masturbation, is something best done in the privacy of one's own home, alone."

If you want fresh breath, pop in a mint.

This Is What It Means To Be An Adult

2011-01-18T09:25:00.004-06:00

I knew today was going to be busy. Up at 4am to catch an early morning flight home for my step-grandfather's funeral, most of which I would miss in an effort to get back on a plane to Chicago for my event tonight. Our very first singles event that sold out. Not something that could be rescheduled with such short notice. And after much deliberation, I just felt that I could not miss my event. It was too big of a deal for me to be absent. Of course, the same goes for the funeral.

Therefore, I decided to fly in for the visitation before the funeral. Flight availability meant I would either miss the funeral, or miss my event. There was no way around it. I had made my peace, somewhat, with the fact that I would miss the funeral. I consoled myself with the knowledge that I would still get to see my family, hug those I needed to hug, and pay my respects before flying back to take care of my company.

Except I missed my flight this morning. By about 10 seconds. As I'm running towards the gate (at the very end of the terminal, of course) I see the gate attendant coming out of the jetbridge and the door slamming behind him. He says, unequivocally, "The plane is locked down. You cannot get on." Begging him doesn't make him budge, nor does it bring out even a shred of empathy.

It's not like I overslept. It's not like I was running late. I just misjudged how much time I needed. I gave myself no buffer. So when the security line looked like it does on Thanksgiving, and I was halfway to the gate when I realized I left my bag back at security, it was over. And there's no one to blame but myself. This is what it means to be an adult.

In all the planning that went into this day - the flights, the car service, the arranging of rides, last minute details for tonight - I kept thinking, "Well, this is what it means to be an adult. You have to juggle many things all at once and just make them all happen." I tried to do it all. I really did.

The other day, my friend remarked that it seemed like a lot for one day, and should I perhaps consider missing my event? I said without hesitation: "Work comes first." Now it appears that the universe heard me loud and clear, and gave me what I said I wanted.

Except I'm sick about it. While this is entirely my fault, I do believe that everything happens for a reason. I'm trying to focus on that. Trying to ignore the should've would've could'ves that are peppering my brain. I'm not sure how you juggle work obligations and family obligations. I guess sometimes you are able to do it pretty well, and other times the balls drop.

So this is what it means to be an adult:
*You make mistakes. Sometimes they're really big ones.
*You're in charge of keeping your animals alive, healthy, and safe.
*You pay your bills.
*You keep your home clean.
*You still worry that you'll disappoint your parents, but you do your best anyway.
*You can jump on your bed if you want. You probably don't, but you could.
*You have to keep going, especially after disappointment. There simply is no other alternative.
*You realize that life isn't fair, but you are still blessed beyond what you even know.
*You can eat Nutella out of the jar. Not that I ever have.

The Challenges of a Small Business Owner

2011-01-07T11:06:00.006-06:00

Well, I'm sorry to say it's finally happened. After 5 1/2 years and thousands of introductions, we have received our very first chargeback. For those of you who don't know, a chargeback is something you can do when you've put an amount on your credit card and you want your money back. For whatever reason.

Now, in theory, it's a great idea. If you don't feel you've received the services you were promised, you have recourse. I get it.

But for the small business owner, it's a huge blow; both to your business bank account and your pride. I suppose it was bound to happen at some point: the longer you're in business, the more clients you have, the more opportunity there is for letting in a bad apple. I know we deal with the very delicate issue that is people's personal lives. But these factors still don't lessen the impact.

I know the reason it hurts so much is because I'm being accused of something that I'm not. You want to call me a bitch? I own that. Tell me I have issues with control? I totally agree. But accuse me of being dishonest in my work - where the only thing I have is my integrity - and that cuts to the bone.

Does that make me weak? I don't know. I feel like a man, in my position, would just get mad. Or have the ability to blow it off and not worry about it. But I feel persecuted. Insulted. Shocked. I'm ashamed to say I've shed a few tears over it. And I'm ashamed to write that here for all of you to see.

I've given refunds before. We certainly don't make it a habit, but there have been a few times where I realized I cannot fulfill my end of the agreement with a client. And in those instances, we do the right thing. Because it comes down to integrity, and integrity is something you can't buy. When I'm in the wrong, I admit it. To me, that's integrity. But when I'm right - when I'm doing the right thing for my company and protecting my clients - I will stand up and fight anyone or anything that challenges IGC's core values.

I've been reading "Delivering Happiness: A Path to Profits, Passion, and Purpose" by Tony Hsieh, CEO of Zappos.com. He talks about all the stressful times he and his partners went through, and how it taught him many lessons along the way to becoming the billion-dollar operation that Zappos.com is today. It reminds me that In Good Company is here for a purpose. We will continue to face stressful situations, just like any business. But along our journey, lessons will be learned; better judgments made; and hopefully, delusional threats won't offend as much.

Every day that I'm blessed to be able to provide for my clients is another day I learn to be a better businessperson. The groundwork is being laid for the path that I am taking In Good Company on; knowing this dries any tears.

"Everybody has their own private mountain they were put on this earth to climb." Yes, I believe this. And the summit will be SO worth it!

The Fine Art Of Missing Someone

2010-12-15T11:07:00.003-06:00

No other time during the year brings more awareness of feeling displaced, lonely, and isolated than the holidays. Many people I know are going through this for various reasons, but they can all be put under the heading "Missing Someone Special".

For some of us, it's the after-breakup time. When you romanticize your past relationship, forgetting the bad times; the clues you were given but ignored because you were desperately in love. And wondering - do you still get your ex a Christmas gift? If so, how big or small? I have a friend who keeps hoping her ex will show up one day, ring in a box, and change her world forever. The holidays, with all their sparkle and promise, make us pray for miracles.

For others, it's the after-the-death-of-a-loved-one time. When you have to go through the interruption of routine: this is the time of day when she would call her dad - oh wait, she can't anymore. Or, he would go to his Mom's house for Christmas Eve - well, not this year, or any year from now on. Difficult and awful at any time, but especially during the holidays, when family gathers around and there is comfort in tradition.

Here's what I have learned: that you must suffer through the times of "Missing Someone." Like a smoker who is trying to quit; if you can just get through each craving that comes, you will be OK for a little while longer. It is fine to sit and cry over your loss. It is perfectly acceptable to have a pity party for yourself every once in a while. Be still with your loss, let it wash over you; and when you are calm again, dry your eyes, and keep moving ahead. It's absolutely fine to take 2 steps back, as long as you are taking 4 steps forward. And please - go talk to a grief counselor if you are feeling helpless. The only way out of grief is through it.

Some of you may know about the original lyrics to "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas", characterized as too "depressing" and changed to be more uplifting and optimistic: the original first line being "Have yourself a merry little Christmas, it may be your last". In honor of all of you who are missing someone, here are the lyrics as we know them today. And may all our hearts be light.

Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Let your heart be light
From now on,
our troubles will be out of sight

Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Make the Yule-tide gay,
From now on,
our troubles will be miles away.

Here we are as in olden days,
Happy golden days of yore.
Faithful friends who are dear to us
Gather near to us once more.

Through the years
We all will be together,
If the Fates allow
Hang a shining star upon the highest bough.
And have yourself A merry little Christmas now.

Top 12 Big Dating Turn-Offs: #5

2010-10-15T14:36:00.002-05:00

5. Not Following Up When You Say You Will

Oh boy is this a big one! And I hear about it all the time (which is why it's #5!)
This is paramount in keeping your Dating Karma clean.

So you've met someone that is nice enough, but just not right for you. They've handed you their card and said, "Give me a call!" and before you can stop yourself, you've responded with, "Yeah, absolutely!" all the while thinking "I'm never going to call you." Well guess what? YOU HAVE TO. Just bite the bullet, and DO WHAT YOU SAID YOU WOULD.

Put on your big boy pants, dial the number, and simply tell the person "I don't feel a romantic connection between us, but we could hang out as friends sometime." I know this isn't easy to say; it feels easier to hide away and not return their phone calls, or send them an email talking about how busy you are with work and travel. Just because it's the right thing to do, doesn't mean it's the easiest. Welcome to adulthood.

If you tell a friend/coworker/partner/sibling that you'll call them on Wednesday, CALL THEM ON WEDNESDAY. Following up in these small ways adds up over time, and people begin to view you as a person they can count on and trust. And that's a great reputation to get!

The Match Off!

2010-08-11T16:21:00.005-05:00

What an amazing experience this was!! For those of you that don't know, we were chosen to participate in a matchmaking reality show here in Chicago. It pitted two matchmakers against each other to see who did the best job of matching "the single". Needless to say, IGC's professionalism won out in the end, as you can see here.

During filming, I met the most amazing, hard-working, fun people in television production. LXTV really has their act together! I was shocked at how much footage ended up on the proverbial cutting room floor. But how much can you possibly squeeze into a 22 minute show?

I don't know how the editors sat through all those hours of footage, but if they make a bloopers reel, you'll want to see it! Suffice to say, there was dancing and rapping, among other things. This experience was so much fun - I would do it again in a heartbeat. And business has been booming since the show aired!! We are so grateful to NBC Universal for giving LXTV a chance with this show. Fingers crossed they ask for more episodes!!

In the meantime, visit www.thematchoff.com and watch the episode, as well as some of my dating tips!

12 Big Dating Turn-Offs: #6

2010-07-27T16:07:00.003-05:00

6. Dressing Like You Didn't Make An Effort

Sometimes we can get lax in our appearance. Or we think "they need to like me as I am." Sorry, that's not how it works.

Your first dates are job interviews. You must put forth the same effort you would in an interview for a potential job. I have gotten feedback from thousands of gay men over the years, so trust me when I tell you how important the effort is that you put into your appearance.

Make sure your pants are hemmed perfectly. Everything should be pressed. No flip flops, no shorts, no hats.

Some clothing and shoes are so familiar to us that we don't see how raggedy they've become. I remember being in a Coach store and my girlfriend was showing me new wallets. I told her I didn't need a new wallet; mine worked just fine. And as I pulled it out of my purse to prove my point, I finally saw it in the glaring fluorescent lights amid all the brand new leather wallets - and it looked AWFUL. All of a sudden, I saw it for what it was: a wallet I had used almost every day for 8 years. 8 years! Ratty, worn, and very worn-out. If I was on a date with someone and they pulled out a wallet that looked like that, it would definitely send the wrong message. Would it be an accurate message? Maybe not. But not a good impression for sure. There's a reason people buy Mont Blanc pens, and it's not because they write better than a Bic.

Have a trusted friend give your closet the once-over so they can help you see what needs to be spruced up. So you have a favorite pair of boots for the fall and winter. Do they need to be polished? If you must wear flip flops on a date (if you do, they should be designer ones) are you doing the proper maintenance on your feet? Are your fingernails clean and trimmed? Are your pants too baggy? Is your belt showing wear and tear?

Making the extra effort in your appearance shows your match that you care about how you look, and that is a GREAT first impression!

Dykes Market

2010-06-17T11:43:00.003-05:00

A relative of a friend was in Hawaii recently and discovered "Dykes Market", which she texted to my (lesbian) friend who then told me. We immediately began musing on how great it would be to have a REAL Dykes Market from which we could choose a great woman.

(Sidenote: I have always called myself a "dyke", even though my "official" label would be femme. Dyke is not a derogatory term for me, nor have I ever used it as such. Because if I embrace it, then being called it cannot be hurtful or mean or shameful. To me, dyke is synonymous with lesbian. Moving on...)

Back to Dykes Market. How great to be able to walk into a store and have so many different lesbians to choose from, perhaps along with some fabulous cheese. "I'll take those peonies, the soft stud with the great hair, and a wedge of the Maytag bleu, please." Genius! It's like a perfect Friday night all found at one store: Dykes Market.

The dykes would all be single, of course, and in their natural settings. Be it relaxing with a beer on a bar stool, on her Blackberry in a business suit, or making a hemp bracelet for her future buyer.

There would be a return policy with a receipt, or at least a store credit without one. You know, if they start to get mouthy. There would be different departments, depending on what you want: soft studs, bois, butch, soft butch, lipstick - the list would go on and on!

Once they were all broken up into departments, they would be put in order of attraction/price. There could even be a clearance rack for those who've been hit hard in these tough economic times. Filet Mignon all the way to ground beef, if you will.

My friend decided she'll get a new one every year with her tax refund.

What would YOU like to see at Dykes Market?

12 Big Dating Turn-Offs: #7

2010-05-21T12:04:00.003-05:00

7. Only Talking About Yourself/Not Showing An Interest In Your Date

My clients are an accomplished group - doctors, big-shot lawyers, CEO's, published authors, etc etc. They have a lot to talk about! But sometimes we can get so focused on ourselves that we forget to find out about the other person. It makes it especially harder if your date is someone who asks a lot of questions and encourages you to keep your monologue going.

Resist! I hear so many times from my clients "well, I know a lot more about him than he knows about me." If you haven't been to my dating workshops, one of the important things we talk about is "Give Information, then Get Information." This is the cornerstone of a good conversation.

Like the previous entry, you might be thinking, "duh!" But again, you'd be surprised how often I hear the above feedback.

"Give information, then get information" is also a very useful tool when starting a new conversation with someone you don't know. We all hate that "awkward silence" that can occur when you've met someone for the first time, or you're waiting for your food to arrive at the restaurant and you feel you've exhausted all your conversation starters. Even if the question is, "So what's your favorite color?" you can start a conversation from there if you make it a point to give information, then get information.

For example:

Person A: So, what's your favorite color?

Person B: I really like red a lot. I used to have a dining room that I painted red and it really created such a warm and inviting environment for when I entertained. I love to cook and have friends over - even if it's a casual night. What about you -do you like to cook and entertain?

If you make the effort, you can turn a bland question into a conversation about the two of you where you are actually getting useful information about your date. Before you know it, viola! You're in a full-blown conversation and it soon becomes effortless.

A good rule of thumb is something salespeople are often taught: If you feel like you're talking too much, you probably are. Stop the "period" sentences, and start with the questions: and give the other person a chance to tell you about themselves.

12 Big Dating Turn-Offs: #8

2010-05-10T11:32:00.003-05:00

8. No Eye Contact

Ever had a date with someone and about 20 minutes in, you're just about begging them to LOOK AT YOU? I actually said that to someone I went on a date with 5 years ago. Perhaps it's the matchmaker in me, but I just couldn't take it anymore and finally slammed my hand down on the table to get her attention and said, "Julie! Look at me!"

She was a fine conversationalist, but she just refused to look me in the eye. Unfortunately the lack of eye contact superseded all the other great qualities about her. A second date was out of the question.

When you're on a date, you must look the other person in the eye. I know what you're thinking: duh! But you'd be surprised at how often I hear this from my clients. When you're not giving your full attention to your date, they can see it and feel it. It makes for an awkward conversation, with your date wondering the entire time "why isn't he/she looking at me?"

I've said it before numerous times: your first date is like a job interview. Can you imagine being on a job interview and not looking the interviewee in the eye? Of course not! You must show your confidence and interest in the person (job).

Besides, lack of eye contact can make you appear restless, easily distracted, and fidgety. Are those the impressions you want your date to have of you?

From now on, make a special effort to focus on the person you're talking with, and see if you catch yourself looking around for distractions. And goodness knows - stop looking at all the cute boys that pass by your table!! Your date sees that too.

12 Big Dating Turn-Offs: #9

2010-04-23T10:07:00.006-05:00

9. Name Dropping and Income-Indicating

If there's one thing that will turn your date sour in a heartbeat, it's bragging about yourself; and there is a very clear distinction between being confident and being arrogant.

Here at IGC, we attract a certain type of clientele. We don't have an income requirement by any stretch of the imagination, but our pricing helps ensure that we retain a certain level of professionalism, maturity, and stability within our client base. And when you have that type of person who is also genuine and down to earth, it makes it easier to get to know them because there's no pretense; whether or not they drive off in a Mercedes.

When someone feels the need to boast about who they know or how much money they make, it's a clear indication of a lack of self-esteem. If you feel the need to self-aggrandize in order to "sell" yourself to your date, it's time to strip away the pretense. Having money and knowing famous people is great, but it won't keep you warm at night. Besides, you need to be with someone who will love you regardless of how much, or how little, money you have.

Besides, it's just flat-out not attractive to "boast" for the sake of boasting. Keep your cards close to your chest so you don't attract opportunists. Remember, if you advertise it, you must want people to come get it.

As a very wealthy woman once told me, "When you reach a certain level of professional and financial success, you realize that you don't really want people to know too many details about you. If you make a spectacle of yourself, it cultivates a breeding ground of people who will take advantage of you and your status." There's nothing wrong with being confident and accomplished, just temper it with a bit of humbleness.

And as for the very wealthy woman I mentioned above? You can find her name on countless plaques across the city for her philanthropic work. Just look for the placard inscribed "Generously Donated By Anonymous".

12 Big Dating Turn-Offs: #10

2010-04-17T10:21:00.006-05:00

10: Talking About Your Religion. Excessively.

Everyone has their own beliefs and their own way of expressing those beliefs. But just like politics, there is very little room for religion during first date conversation.

If you want to briefly share your beliefs, perhaps the church you attend; fine. But limit that conversation to 5 minutes MAX. Religion is such a deeply personal thing - and like most personal things, it should come out on the 4th or 5th date to be discussed in more depth. It's at this point that you and the person you're dating begin to really connect on a deeper level, sharing more intimate details that make up who you are as a person.

So keep first date conversation light, and save the more intimate conversation for when you are, in fact, more intimate.

And if you are a part of something where you feel the urge to tell people "it's not a cult", it probably is. If you hear that statement from your date's mouth, run. They have no room for you in their life.

12 Big Dating Turn-Offs: #11

2010-04-09T13:55:00.004-05:00

11. Being Clingy

A good example of this is when you have a date with someone, they don't hear from you within 24 hours, so you get a text from them that says "Are we ok?"

"We"? There is no "we"! This is called DATING; not WE HAD ONE DATE SO NOW I'M YOUR GIRLFRIEND. Give your date some space and chill out. Not every date is going to hit it out of the ballpark for you, and vice versa. Some people find it easier to avoid the "Let's just be friends" conversation. If you get no phone call or email, then that's the message they're sending.

On the other hand, if you had a good time with someone, it's perfectly fine to text, email, or call them later to say so. Just don't get upset if you don't hear back from them. Yes - returning ones phone call is the polite thing to do, but not everyone does it (and we've all been there).

Here are some clingy behaviors to avoid when it's still early in the game:

*calling every day

*asking to meet the parents

*asking to meet their friends

*sharing too much personal information

*expecting them to help you out emotionally and/or financially

Confidence is sexy; neediness is not. Act accordingly!

12 Big Dating Turn-Offs

2010-04-07T12:43:00.000-05:00

I find some people are their own worst enemy when it comes to dating. Either they think they're doing the right thing by trying to impress their date, or they're completely unaware that they are sabotaging things!

So here is the countdown of the Top 12 Big Dating Turn-Offs, one at a time. Keep coming back for more!!

12. Not Being Well-Read

You must must must keep abreast of current events. Even better if you can develop what I call a "wide range of intelligence". You should be able to discuss everything from politics to a favorite reality TV show, and everything in between. Think of date conversation as Chicago's very own Red Eye - a little of this and a little of that.

You need to be able to find a jumping-off point for almost any conversation starter that's thrown your way. You don't have to be an expert in world affairs, but you do need to know that France's President is Nicolas Sarkozy. You don't have to watch "Survivor", but you need to know that it's still on TV.

The more well-versed you are on various topics, the easier first date conversation will be. And if you can make it easier on yourself, why not?

Will IGC Be On Reality TV?

2010-03-27T12:25:00.000-05:00

We've had an interesting week - we are in the process of finalizing our first Supper Club (which is tentatively scheduled for April 19), our first Support/Peer Group is set to begin April 7, AND - I was interviewed to potentially be on a reality show about matchmakers!!

The interview was a lot of fun, and the producers were great to talk with. But I'll be honest: I left there feeling a bit dejected. I felt like perhaps the way I run IGC wasn't as "drama filled" as they would prefer. Maybe it IS great for TV - and maybe I'm just too used to it to really see that. I know that I want to be cast on the show - it would be great for business and also great for people to see an out-lesbian-business owner on TV.

I kept wondering if they were looking for someone like Patti Stanger, the Millionaire Matchmaker. While I admire everything she's accomplished, I'm just not like her. I don't cuss out my clients! We just don't attract that type of clientele. If I interview someone who is "too big for his britches" (as my mom used to say!) then I don't accept them as a client. I'm not here to fight with my clients - I'm here to do everything I can to find them a loving, long-lasting relationship.

Now this is not to say we don't have any drama. Boy oh boy is there some drama! But it's my job to smooth that over; not to fan the flame. This is very serious stuff we're dealing with here: this is people's personal lives! I have to be as delicate as possible, while assisting my clients in putting their best foot forward so the odds are in their favor.

They asked me in the interview if I would feel comfortable commenting on how the date was going (apparently there would be cameras there on the date). I said absolutely! Do you guys have any idea how much I would love to be a fly on the wall when you're out with your matches? To see who's doing what wrong; who's doing things right; who is giving the wrong impression; who isn't following my dating workshop tips (Sidenote: those clients who have attended my Dating Workshop all say the same thing: they always know when they meet a client who HASN'T been to the workshop! So if you haven't signed up for it yet, do it today).

On the other hand, my partner and my friends have all said the same thing: that I can be pretty bitchy! (They've also said this is a compliment...hmmmmm...) I don't know that I really see that. I know I'm confident, self-assured, and I don't let myself get pushed around. Perhaps that's seen as bitchy? So this goes back to what I said earlier: maybe I'm just too used to it, but that doesn't mean that it wouldn't make for good TV!

Another thing I would need to find is clients or prospective clients who would be willing to, essentially, "be gay on TV." It's one thing for my clients to be out at work or to their families: it's another thing entirely to be on TV on a gay date for all of Chicagoland to see. Let's say that the single person they cast has potentially 30 good matches with which I could provide him/her. But how many of those 30 are willing to have their date filmed? This presents an interesting challenge, but one I am ready to tackle!!

Let me know your thoughts: how would YOU feel about being gay on TV?

Northwestern provides inspiration!

2010-02-25T15:15:00.000-06:00

I had the BEST experience last week! I was invited by the Women's Center at Northwestern University to speak about online dating. I went to the Evanston campus on Wednesday, then the downtown campus on Thursday. All the participants were so nice and had great questions, and it could not have been more fun!

IGC isn't typically known for online dating, but I was thrilled for an opportunity to do some further research into this other aspect of dating. While IGC is in its season of growth, we need to become more well-rounded in the dating industry. Whereas traditional matchmaking will always be our focus, we are now offering many more options to members and non-members alike. Be on the lookout for more dating workshops, support groups, and a supper club (!) - we're even offering a profile writing service so you can have the best online experience with whatever site you choose! I am so happy to start covering many more aspects of dating, although matchmaking will remain near and dear to my heart. We simply want to be the "go to" place for all questions, concerns, and assistance about dating - in any medium.

The women at Northwestern could not have been more welcoming to me, and I hope this is the start of many more speaking engagements to come!

Here is a link to a slide show for the presentation at Northwestern. Enjoy!
http://news.medill.northwestern.edu/chicago/ss.aspx?id=157560

IGC Expands in 2010!

2010-01-15T15:32:00.000-06:00

Perhaps most of you have heard, but I am so excited to announce the much-anticipated inclusion of the heterosexual community into the IGC family! This is something I've been asked about over the years - why don't I include straight people? My answer was always the same "Straight people have enough services - they don't need anymore." Looking back, I see that answer was pretty lame.

What if Dave Thomas, the founder of Wendy's had said "No one is going to come here when there's MacDonalds!"

What if Steve Wozniak, the builder of the first Apple computer, had thought "Why would anyone need more than one computer manufacturer?"

What if Starbuck's only served one type of coffee drink?? Oh, the horror!

There is always room for competition. There is not a finite amount of success that's available - it's unlimited. And do not think that using those mega-corporations as examples was a joke. We do good work here at IGC, I believe in this company, and I plan on growing it into a multi-national, multi-billion dollar enterprise. We are going to be a force to be reckoned with in the dating industry, and it starts happening in 2010!

Dating Karma

2009-12-04T13:35:00.000-06:00

I have some clients that I call my "whole package clients" - they're attractive, fit, active, and then on top of that, they have the most amazing personalities! So sweet, and genuine, and humble about their success...truly guys who have the "whole package". (I could go on and on with fabulous adjectives, but you get the picture).

Every client who meets with one of my whole package clients inevitably loves them - no one can say anything even remotely negative about them. Every one loves them and every one hopes the WP calls him back. And as wonderful as the WP's are, they usually don't call back. Or text back. Or return the email sent their way.

I'm a big believer in Karma. It's been shown to me time and time again, both bad and good. Dating Karma is no different - what you put out there will come back to you. So why would anybody mess with that?

I think mostly it has to do with the fact that it's not always easy to say to someone, "I didn't feel any attraction between us, but I hope we can be friends." No one wants to be THAT guy or girl. What we need to understand is that you're not saying the person is unattractive (even if you felt that way). Chemistry, or lack thereof, isn't always indicative of looks. I've had feedback from clients who've said, "You know, I can see that he's an attractive guy, but I just didn't feel that spark. And I really wish I had - because he's very handsome!"

Chemistry is that elusive thing that often surprises us. How many of us have heard someone say, "I didn't think he/she was my type, but then...." It's always a good thing to remain open and really explore what's available to you.

But when you get to the end of the date, and the other person says, "So would you like to maybe go out again?" - if you aren't feeling any chemistry, NOW is the time to say, "I don't know that I feel a romantic connection between us, but I would love to hang out again as friends." Now, you will inevitably see that crestfallen look on their face, but trust me - this is so much better than the alternative! You will have been open and honest from the very beginning, and there are much worse reputations to have than that. You will also be helping the other person to move on quicker.

So, if you, in a weak moment, tell the other person, "Sure I'd love to! I'll call you-" then DO IT. Even if you call to say you're really busy right now and you hope to see them out and about soon, this will keep your Dating Karma clean. So call them back. Return that text or email. Be an honest person to the people that want to date you, so that the person YOU want to date does the same to you. Because just as with any of my clients, my WP's eventually meet someone they want to get to know better, and usually that person says, "Sure, I'll call you!" And the WP waits, and waits, and waits.

The Level Playing Field

2009-10-29T11:40:00.001-05:00

It's interesting hearing from clients who have used other gay dating services, and how much they paid. I'm always wondering - should I raise our fees? But as soon as I get concerned about alienating potential clients, someone comes in and tells me about a service they used in New York, or Canada, or California, and they paid over 5 times what we charge! And they end up getting a lot less. It makes me wonder: how is that company doing? Are they thriving? Struggling?

There is a school of thought that nothing is "too expensive" - people will always pay a price equal to the value they perceive the product is worth to them. So what is it exactly that my clients want; what is most important to them? Ease of use? Having their own personal matchmaker? Or is it finding that life partner?

Even typing this, I'm thinking, "well that's obvious - they want to find a life partner." But I have many clients who, quite simply, are too busy to date on their own. Now - if they happen to find a life partner, great! But that is not their main goal. Their main goal is to not be sitting at home every night, after working a 12-hour day, and only have their dog or the TV as companionship.

I constantly try and figure out what do my clients find most valuable about IGC. It's different for everyone, but the great thing is - we can fill all those needs. The guy who wants help getting over his shyness? Done. The woman who has just come out at 52 years of age and wants to dip her toe in the water? No problem. The guy who has sowed his wild oats, and is ready to settle down - white picket fence, 2.5 kids, a husband, the works - absolutely. And so many more! We get all types here, looking for all types.

I would say the main thing is that most clients are looking to be on a level playing field - financially, emotionally, physically, etc. We don't have an income requirement here; we have 3rd grade math teachers, all the way up to C-level executives. But regardless of income, there is a level of responsibility, maturity, and sincerity that is prevalent at IGC, and sometimes difficult to find elsewhere.

I talked with a client the other day who was complaining about someone he met on his own. They decided to meet for coffee, and began to get hungry. My client said, "There's a Cheesecake Factory close by; how about that?" to which his date replied, "Isn't that expensive?" My client felt like rolling his eyes: he's no millionaire, but he can afford a lunch at The Cheesecake Factory.

I asked my client how he met this person. "Online". Ok, which site? "Match.com" And how much is that a month? "Um, around $20". So why are you complaining about someone who doesn't want to spend any money, when you met them on a site where you hardly have to spend any money? Does that make sense?

I admit that after doing this for a number of years, I tend to forget to sell IGC to potential clients. I have to remind myself that it is part of my job to show people the value of In Good Company and what we can do. I just think it's so great and that everyone should do it! :) But it's important for me to educate people on what we do exactly, what we can promise, and what we can't.

Then again, if you're gay or lesbian, and single, get in here!!!

Bleeding Hearts

2009-08-06T10:21:00.000-05:00

I've been pondering this question for a while now. I feel like I'm seeing a lot of lesbians lately "settling" for someone that's really not a great fit for them. It seems especially prevalent in my life right now (thankfully, not for me). This whole idea of "she checks off 3 of the 5 boxes, so I guess we'll be girlfriends" doesn't sit well with me.

Now I know that no one's perfect, but there appears to be a lot of settling going on. The attitude seems to be "we have a lot of fun together and even though she's not ultimately what I want or cannot bring what I need to the table, I'll be her girlfriend anyway - until I meet someone else." This logic of biding one's time with the emotions of another until something better comes along seems awfully flawed to me, and a recipe for an emotional disaster. (Not to mention, yet another reason to DATE, rather than immediately become committed to someone.)

Having said that - I DO believe that we are with people for a reason. I think we learn things from each other that better shape us to become the human beings we were meant to be, and when those lessons are learned, we move on. Sometimes easy, sometimes very, very hard; but the key words are "move on." What's the saying? "Leave the person better than you found them" or something to that effect. But can you do that when it's a poor fit to begin with? Is that possible, when the two of you shouldn't even be together at all?

I feel like these women are trying to make something out of nothing. And I wonder: do they think there isn't anything better out there? Do they think they will never find that one true love again? I posed this question to a friend of mine, and her answer was, with no hesitation, "Yes. That's exactly it. Cannot imagine getting that lucky twice."

Which begs the question: will the universe conspire to help you in getting what you want, if the message you send is "this is fine for now, actually; thankyouverymuch" ?

I also think lesbians, in particular, tend to overlook "deal breakers"; attempting to convince themselves that particular "big deals" are not, in fact, big deals at all. Not attracted to her? Oh well. I'll just try and overlook that. You want a relationship, but she is not and will not be at any time in the near future ready or available to be in a relationship? Ok then, I'll still hang around.

These are big deals, people! These flags are so red they look like they're bleeding.

One of our tag lines is "Someone is waiting to meet you." I truly believe this: whether it's through IGC or not - someone IS waiting to meet you. But you have to be available to meet THEM. You have to get rid of the old to make way for the new. This goes for shoes and partners. :)

I know the reason I'm comfortable saying this is because I see the database of people we have at IGC every single day. I KNOW that there are so many more "fish in the sea" than people in our community think there are. Personally, I know you can find that love again - the love you thought was only going to happen to you once. You have to be open to it, you have to trust that it will happen. You have to welcome it into your life with open arms; and I don't know that you can do that when your arms are around someone else.

I also want you to be grateful for that "once-in-a-lifetime" love; because now you know what it feels like. And if you are someone who has "settled", you know it's different than how you feel now. Don't settle until you find it again! And you will - I know this.

Dating Workshop

2009-07-14T14:41:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow is our 3rd dating workshop, and I have been so impressed with the turnout we've been getting these last few months! As the date creeps closer, I always get nervous because there aren't many people signed up, then the day before - BAM! It's phone call after phone call - people pre-registering for the workshop.

I'm so excited about the one we're doing tomorrow, because we're having one of our IGC success stories come and speak about his experience. We're still doing the top 5 dating tips, but at one point, I'll bring Frank up to speak. This is going to be great because he will be speaking from his heart - there isn't anything I've asked him to say or not to mention. Frank was, truly, one of our perfect dates - he had 15 introductions, and not one person could say ANYTHING negative about him! Nothing! I just love him, and I especially love he and Bob together - what a great couple!

The funny thing is - in the last two workshops, I talked about Frank. It was only at the last workshop that we received feedback asking that we bring in an IGC success story. In thinking about who I wanted to ask, all of a sudden I thought: well, duh! Frank! I called him the next day and he agreed.

I've also been thinking about having a dating workshop for just the women, and bringing in two of our lesbian success stories. They've jokingly told me that they feel they are the "IGC Poster Couple" and I agree!! :)

It's weird though - I feel like both women and men can learn from Frank and the way he approached every introduction, but to bring two women in to speak....I'm not sure if it will hit home with the guys as much. I don't really know why. I'm sort of figuring this out as I type. But I've been thinking about it....

Maybe it just comes down to the fact that I think my guys are better daters than my girls. The women will have one great date, then call me and put their memberships on Hold. My guys will have one great date, then call me and say, "Ok who else you got for me?" Now - that same guy will eventually put his membership on Hold for that one great date, but not until he has met 2 or 3 other guys, and gone out with that great date for at least another month. Is that necessarily better? I don't know. What works for one person might not work for another, but I have to say - I think erring on the side of more dating versus less dating is almost always the better idea. Us lesbians have been known to "nest" rather quickly.

Frank went out 15 times, but ended up with his SECOND match. Is it because he took the time to get to know his second match, without the pressure of putting all his eggs in one basket? In other words, did he fare better because there was no pressure of "oh this guy is great and I could totally see myself with him for a long time so therefore I'm shunning any other possibilities"? I think so.

At any rate, I'm so excited to hear what Frank has to say to our participants tomorrow, so if you're reading this and haven't signed up yet to join us - trust me, just do it! :)

What's with the attitude?

2009-07-03T10:21:00.000-05:00

Lately there's been a rash of clients who are doing nothing but whining! It's like I have to twist their arm just to get them to go out! I don't understand - would you just give up if you went on 5 job interviews and were still jobless? Of course not! Would you say, "Well ok, I guess I'm gonna live on the street now." No way! You get back up on the horse and you try, try again. Good grief!! I just don't get it. Clients who came in for their initial interview and were so full of life and good energy and enthusiasm now sound on the phone like they just came from a funeral. Or they're on a heavy dose of Valium.

Look - if I could guarantee you'd meet your life partner thru IGC, we'd have a much different pricing structure. But good grief! Get a grip people! You want to date? You're GOING to date! So get over it, and get on with it!

You don't have to sue us to get a date

2009-06-17T10:53:00.000-05:00

Oh boy do I have a lot to say about this eHarmony/Compatible Partners thing.

For those of you who don't know, eHarmony has been sued a couple of times for discrimination. As best I understand, it has fallen under the state laws that say you can't discriminate against anyone because of their sexual orientation. eHarmony hasn't admitted any wrongdoing, but they have started to allow gays and lesbians to use their site, calling it "Compatible Partners".

For years I've had clients ask me about eHarmony, and why they didn't allow gays and lesbians. eHarmony's stance (I was told) was that they believed a "healthy" relationship existed between a man and a woman (Heidi and Spencer notwithstanding). I just figured eHarmony didn't need or want any more money.

So now, under duress, they've opened up their algorithms to our community, after shunning us for years. They've finally said, "Ooooook, we'll match you up, even though you know we don't agree with your 'lifestyle'." Is this really what my community has been waiting for?

Let's not forget too - that you can be anyone you want to be online. You can be single, outgoing, and funny; you could be a C-level executive instead of a part-time barista at Starbuck's; you could be a straight man who has a deep, abiding, religiously-born desire to bring harm to anyone who would dare label themselves as "gay". Of course, this is true of any online service. You have to be careful.

It's just so different here at In Good Company. People actually ARE who they say they are. Plus, they have to get through me first ;) It's been 5 years for us, and we have yet to have anyone misrepresent themselves (aside from removing a few years from their age - you know who you are! But that's ok - I do too ;) My clients who are HIV+ have told me they are; my prospective clients who are still married to women have told me (even though I couldn't have them join). I also don't think anyone who's dropping the cash for our fees wants to be dishonest - you can lie for a lot cheaper.

It also disturbs me because I think they are going to make a killing, cash-wise. And here we are, taking it day by day in this difficult economy. Where we opened solely for the gay and lesbian community and have kept our focus on that, they have begrudgingly - finally - decided to take our money.

So where will you go, current or prospective IGC client? Will you continue to spend hours online each night, hoping the information you are reading about someone is accurate? Then hoping one of you has the nerve to suggest a meeting? Or will you hire someone to do all that for you - to let you focus on your professional life, while we find great matches for you, give you factual information about them, even set up the introduction in a casual, low-stress environment. That's what In Good Company does for the Chicagoland gay and lesbian community, and what we've been doing since 2005.

Want to date within the gay and lesbian community? You don't have to set a legal precedent; just set an appointment with In Good Company.

Twittering

2009-05-20T12:11:00.000-05:00

Ok, ok - so I'm trying to hop on the Twitter bandwagon. I know - I'm way behind in utilizing this (I'm being told "useful") tool in promoting my business. So I'm trying. Trying to think of something useful and insightful to post. I feel like I have all these good ideas but when I go to twitter them (tweet them? twit them? I'm so behind on the lingo, too) I forget. Or they don't sound very profound. Or useful.

Everyone I'm following - Katie Couric, Martha Stewart, Exec Tweets - even Samantha Ronson - seem to have funny, witty, or intelligent posts. My latest? "Must must must create multiple revenue streams!" Well, duh!

Speaking of, IGC is starting to hold workshops on Dating. Advice, best practices, tips, etc. After getting feedback on thousands of introductions, we have compiled some really useful information that needs to get out there - trust me! You wouldn't think you would really need to tell people how to dress appropriately for a first introduction, but apparently - you do! There's a lot more to it though; good questions to ask, how to follow up with pertinent information, even the best way to end the introduction. We have a lot of information and it's time to share it! We will have a special page on our website that gives all the details (as soon as we set a date.)

IGC is also experimenting with different advertising venues. I checked out Facebook advertising...I don't really feel like our clients are hanging out on Facebook every day, but they allow you to target your ideal market, so I gave it a shot. Do you know that after I put it "College grad", "Single", "Looking for Men", and the age range of 35-60 - it said there were fewer than 20 people with this criteria??!! And that was within a 25 mile radius of Chicago! Ok so our clients are NOT on Facebook :)

So I'm off to Twit. Or Twitter. Something creative, something insightful, something gay. We shall see.

from CNN: Hungry for love? Matchmakers thrive in slump

2009-04-15T12:02:00.000-05:00

By A. Pawlowski
CNN

(CNN) -- Everybody's got a hungry heart, but when bad times hit, it can become positively starving.

As layoffs mount, portfolios shrink and headlines become gloomier, many singles may be finding the harsh reality of having no one to lean on during the economic crisis unbearable.

Some are intensifying their search for love, triggering a boom for matchmakers who are putting a modern spin on the ancient practice of bringing people together.

"People shift their focus in times of economic uncertainty to the things that are sustainable and the things that get them through, and I think that always comes down to relationships," said Ann Robbins, founder and CEO of LifeWorks Matchmaking in Fort Lauderdale, Florida.

"People have an absolute need to love and to be loved. That's really, at the end of the day, that's what you have."

Robbins said her number of clients doubled in the first quarter of 2009, compared with the previous quarter. She attributed the rise in part to people re-evaluating their lives during periods of stress and trouble.

Lyle, a 38-year-old financial consultant who lives in New York, became a client about five months ago. (He asked that his last name not be used in this report for privacy reasons.) He reached out to a matchmaker because his busy schedule makes it hard to meet people and online dating didn't feel right for him, he said.

"It always helps to have someone to lean on in life, and it's great to have someone to share great times with, but when times are tough as they are right now, it certainly helps all the more," he said.

'Something to look forward to'

Online matchmaking site eHarmony.com is also seeing increased interest. From September 2008 to January 2009, monthly registrations rose an average of 20 percent, compared with the same time period the prior year, according to eHarmony CEO Greg Waldorf.

Matchmakers aren't surprised they are staying busy during the recession.

"I think that as people go through more difficult times, being alone becomes more difficult," said Patti Novak, owner of Buffalo Niagara Introductions in Buffalo, New York.

"[Even] if they can only afford popcorn and a six-pack on a Saturday night, they'd rather do it with somebody than alone," she added.

Novak, who is the author of "Get Over Yourself!" and starred in the A&E reality series "Confessions of a Matchmaker," has seen a 30 percent increase in clients in the last eight months, she said.

Recent sign-ups include Melissa, a 39-year-old Buffalo, New York, resident who joined the matchmaking service in December. (Melissa asked that her last name not be used in this report for privacy reasons.)

She has since been matched with about seven "really nice people," leading to a number of dates and making it easier to cope with the possibility that her job could be in jeopardy because of the bad economy, Melissa said.

"It actually brings a brighter part to my day to know that I've made an investment for myself that has had great returns already. So it's a very positive feeling and something to look forward to after a very stressful workday," she said.

'Comfort of love'

Mental health experts say turbulent periods can heighten people's need for love and companionship.

"In tough times, you activate your coping mechanisms, and one way to cope is to connect more with people and to get more social support," said Nadine Kaslow, a professor at Emory University School of Medicine and chief psychologist at Grady Health System in Atlanta, Georgia.

Some people looking for emotional support may also be considering the financial benefits of pairing up. One mortgage is easier than two, and a couple can stay afloat even if only one person is working. But Kaslow cautioned singles against rushing into things.

"When people are really stressed, sometimes their judgment isn't as good as it should be," she said. "Sometimes they think something is better than nothing but they don't really think about the pros and cons of the something."

Matchmakers say one of the benefits of their services is that clients are screened so there are no surprises when introductions take place.

"You know already if they've been married -- once, never or 15 times. You know whether they have kids, are smokers, what their religious background is," said Beatrice Gruss, founder of Traditional Matchmakers in Atlanta, Georgia.

About 1,500 independent matchmakers operate in the United States, according to the Matchmaking Institute, which offers training and certification. Most rely on questionnaires, interviews and instinct to get a sense of a client's perfect match. Fees can vary from a few hundred to several thousand dollars, and clients can typically expect a couple of matches a month.

For singles yearning to find love, matchmakers can be of value, but there's no one right way to look for a relationship, experts advised.

"You need to look at who is available in your social world already," Kaslow said.

"I think it's always useful to ask friends and other people to help set you up. But there's a value to these online dating services and there is a value to matchmaking, and I think if you really want a relationship, you try one or more of these options and see what works for you."
*******************************************************************************
I couldn't have said it better myself. Now is a great time to join!!!

Love Is In The Air!

2009-04-13T16:16:00.000-05:00

I made some phone calls today to some of my clients that have been on Hold for a while (for those of you that aren't clients - IGC members can put their memberships on "Hold" for up to one year for any reason, although it's usually because they've met someone and want to see how it develops). I got a couple of clients back in the fold and ready to go out (yay!) and two of my clients informed me that they are getting married in October! I was like, "Why didn't anyone let me know???!!!" Although of course I had a huge grin on my face! :)

This has happened on a number of occasions, and while it's always so much fun to hear back from a client with this type of news, I know there are so many more IGC success stories out there. I know this because I hear them through the "grapevine". Let's say I'm at a fundraiser, for example, and someone in our group conversation finds out what I do for a living. He then says, "You introduced my friend to his partner back in 2005, and they're still together!" To which I respond, "Really? That's awesome!"

I was at dinner a few months ago with some friends and acquaintances and one of them said, "You introduced my friend Carol to the love of her life." My response: "I did?"

I wonder what that's all about...it's interesting how some clients come in and they are ready to practically tell the whole world that they've joined In Good Company, whereas other clients don't even tell their closest friends. It doesn't really bother me either way - we treat everyone with the same discretion. But I wonder if some clients don't want others to know HOW they met. Perhaps they feel weird about joining an introduction service? I'm not sure. It's a no-brainer in the straight community - there's a ton of introduction services for them, many that have been in business for over 10 years, if not longer. I think for straight people to join a "dating" service (I hate that term, by the way - we prefer "Introduction" service. After all, we are simply "introducing" clients to each other...) their only hesitation is usually "which one?"

In any case, the fact that there are clients out there who are in lasting relationships because of IGC still makes me smile, even if I might not ever know about all of them.

Welcome to Gay Chicago!

2009-03-19T10:23:00.000-05:00

I remember coming up to Chicago back in 2003 - 2004 for improv classes (yes, that's actually why I moved here) and all the times I wanted to go out and try different restaurants. The problem was, I didn't really know anyone here. But because food and I are BFF's, I would walk down the street, find a restaurant that looked good, march inside and sit down to a nice meal and glass of wine all by myself. Now, I can do that; but I know a lot of people who can't, or wouldn't dare. And certainly, I would've rather had company.

So I have an idea that's been rolling around in my head for a few months now, and I'm interested in your opinions about it.

I was thinking about all the gay men and women who travel to Chicago on business, and how I bet it would be nice if they had someone to have dinner with that was also a gay professional. They likely don't know anyone here except their straight colleagues, and they're tired of eating alone in their hotel room. I think it would be great if we could set something up where IGC provides a dinner companion. Not a "date", because the two people live in different cities/states; but someone they could talk to and have a nice dinner with, knowing that the person was educated, intelligent, stable and secure.

It wouldn't cost anything extra for my current clients (the ones who reside in the Chicagoland area) and these dinners wouldn't count towards their introductions.

I would have to be able to interview the out-of-towner in person so my Chicago clients would know that he/she is A-OK. But once I did that, for the rest of the year all the out-of-towner would need to do is call or email us ahead of time, and we can get to work on setting up the dinner(s).

Obviously there's a few kinks to still be worked out, but I feel like it might be a nice service to offer.

Thoughts?

I Know Exactly Who You Need To Meet!

2009-03-12T11:18:00.001-05:00

It's pretty rare that I meet a potential new client and think, "wow - I don't think I really have anyone for you." The vast majority of the time, I have plenty of people for someone to meet. The BEST though, is when I know EXACTLY who this new client is going to meet. Like, everything they say just points to ONE PERSON. There are a lot of other clients I'll introduce them to, but it's so much fun to have that feeling about one person in particular.

I try not to "oversell" it when that happens - after all, I can't predict chemistry. Sometimes I've introduced them to what I think is their perfect fit, and then both guys come back and say,"hey, nice guy, but no spark." But when I feel that I have the perfect match for them, I think, "I can't believe you guys haven't met each other yet, because you're totally looking for each other!" That is the best feeling in the world! Ok yes, I'm a bit geeky like that - but how could I do this work and not be?

And yes - sometimes that gut feeling is dead-on. The last commitment ceremony I went to was for 2 of my clients, and I specifically remember telling one of them when they joined, "oh I know EXACTLY what you want." They had one match, and that was it!

It also seems to happen mostly for my clients who sign up for a year membership. No - I'm not trying to up sell someone who is still thinking about joining (besides, anyone who's talked to me for 2 minutes can tell I'm a straight-shooter.) I think it has a LOT to do with sending that message to the universe....that this person is SERIOUS about meeting someone, and they aren't going to go about it half-assed. Now of course that doesn't mean that every client who joins is going to meet their life partner; if I could predict that, clients would get one match and we'd charge $10,000!! But I do think it makes a big statement to the universe - "This is what I want, and I'm going to go after it with gusto!" I've seen it happen so many times. Of course, it all goes back to having that positive attitude - but more on that in another post. :)

Checking in

2009-03-11T13:32:00.000-05:00

So I've been calling previous clients lately to check in with them, remind them we're still here, etc etc and I've been getting some really good updates. Some clients renewed their membership because they aren't dating, and some clients are still seeing people we matched them with! In fact, two guys I matched are planning their committment ceremony for July! Then I heard from another previous client that he's been happily dating someone for a few years now. He told me that he actually met his current partner through one of his IGC matches! I hear that kind of thing pretty regularly, so I'm always telling my clients to make an effort to get to know their matches. Even if it's just for 30-40 minutes! Because they never know who that person could be to them in the future.

Imagine meeting a potential date, and the conversation is fine but there's no physical connection. How great would it be to put your best foot forward, be respectful and polite, and get to know them a little bit? Even if there's no chemistry, that doesn't mean that person couldn't become one of your biggest clients, or a colleague. Or, as in the case of some of my clients, you might run into them at an event, they introduce you to a friend of theirs, and bam! THAT'S the guy for you. It happens more often than people think - so remember that IT IS NEVER A WASTE OF TIME TO MEET SOMEONE.

I love getting updates from current and previous clients. They remind me why we're here, and why a service like this is so needed in our community. And I always hear the same thing from my clients who have been successfully matched: "I don't know how I would have ever met him if not thru IGC."

What's in a name...

2008-05-22T15:27:00.000-05:00

So this has been an interesting thing that we’ve had to deal with here at In Good Company.

Apparently, there’s a company here in Chicago whose initials are also IGC. From what I’ve gathered, they are some sort of head-hunting company, and they have an automated faxing system that randomly tries to send faxes to various phone numbers at all hours of the day and night.

So here’s what ends up happening:
The other IGC ends up calling Joe Schmo in, let’s say, Kentucky, 5 times from 1a-4a. When Joe Schmo answers the phone, he hears a fax tone. After the 3rd or 4th time, he gets pissed, and calls Information to get the phone number for what’s showing up on his caller i.d. box, which is – you guessed it - IGC. Information looks up the phone number they have for IGC, and gives him our number.

Now, granted – by the time people call us and leave a voice mail, they are understandably pretty ticked off. I end up calling them the next morning and explaining the situation, and give them the correct phone number for the company that keeps automatically dialing them. At that point they are usually pretty apologetic, and I understand their frustration.

I arrive at work this morning to a voice mail from the 918 area code, and they guy says in a thick southern accent:
“Yeah, you guys quite calling me in the middle of the night, you take me off your sam-hell list” and then said something about our “faggoty business” and “going to hell.”

Yeeeaah.

I debated for a moment about whether to call him back or not, but decided I didn’t want another phone call from him. I called the phone number he left and a woman answered. I told her who I was, informed her of the situation, and gave her the correct phone number to call. She was very, very sweet. With a big smile on my face, I then said, “And please tell the man who called me that I said ‘thank you’ for his kind words.” She got quiet at that point, and I could hear the embarrassment and apology in her voice when she said, “oh…yes….I’ll - I will.”

Needless to say, I finally called Information and requested that they change our listing to be under In Good Company instead of IGC. I’m not even sure why it was listed that way originally.

Sometimes I’m still shocked when insults are hurled. Like, I forget sometimes, being in this secular gay world every day – running a gay business, dealing with an all-gay clientele, being gay myself – I forget that there are people who really think we’re disgusting.

PS. We don’t have caller i.d. at In Good Company.

Both Sides of an Introduction

2008-05-21T09:59:00.000-05:00

It’s interesting – being someone who matches people up and then has them meet each other. And then hearing both sides of what happened on the introduction!

Client A: “I felt like I was on a job interview – he was grilling me!”
Client B: “I had to keep asking him questions in order to get him to have a conversation.”
***********************************************************************
Client A: “I felt like he was ‘old’ for his age. I’m a much younger-thinking guy.”
Client B: “I felt like he was ‘old’ for his age. I’m a much younger-thinking guy.”
***********************************************************************
Client A: “She clearly enjoys going to the opera, whereas I like softball, so I don’t think it’s gonna work.”
Client B: “I thought she was great! I hope she calls!”
***********************************************************************

We really get to see patterns in our clients, both positive and negative. And it helps us to better match each client next time. What I really find interesting though, is that while we try to get on the right “path” with each member, I think some people forget to look around at the trees while they’re walking. Sometimes we become so focused on what we want, and get so specific with details about our ideal match, that we can’t accept anyone else.

A couple of years ago, I had two clients (we’ll call them Scott and Bob) who ended up meeting each other outside of IGC (in other words, we didn’t set them up). After a few dates that went very well, they discovered that they were both members. Bob expressed some anger at IGC, wondering why I hadn’t set him up with Scott, seeing as they were a great fit and were really enjoying each other’s company. Scott knew why we hadn’t set them up, and finally admitted it to Bob: Bob was out of the age range Scott had requested. They put their memberships on “Hold” for each other shortly thereafter, and last I spoke with them, things were still going strong.

I’ve had a few such instances since then, and now I’m much better about looking off the “path” for my clients. Sometimes I have to twist their arm a bit, but if I feel really strongly about it, then I put forth the effort. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t; but I’d rather have them meet and then know for sure either way, than just assume it wouldn’t work, and never really know.

I had a woman who only wanted to meet women living in the city. Imagine me trying to not only convince her to meet someone who lived outside the city, but who lived in Rockford! She eventually acquiesced, and I sent them out. They exchanged rings back in December 2006.

I had a woman ask me out for a drink the other night. I didn’t ask her if she liked opera, or if she played any sports; I didn’t ask her if she wanted kids, if she read the Wall Street Journal or the Red Eye. I simply said, “Yes!” Who knows what, if anything, will come of it? But one thing (of many!) that my clients have taught me through their own introductions is that it’s never a waste of time to meet someone new. Look at all the possibilities around you; you might be surprised at the tree that catches your eye.

Gift in the Mail

2007-05-03T10:00:00.000-05:00

Today I received a wonderful gift in the mail: a postcard from two of my clients. It reads “Dear In Good Company, We’re celebrating the anniversary of our introduction in Paris! How perfect! Thank you!” That made me feel so good! It just goes to show that it can happen; and does happen for our clients all the time. They are the sweetest couple too; they were great at giving feedback, and were so positive about each introduction I sent them on.

I found that it really makes a difference when clients can give me specific feedback, both positive and negative; but it makes more of a difference when they continue to go on each introduction with a positive attitude. I’m surprised at how often I hear one of my clients start their introduction with something negative, even if it’s something as seemingly minor as “The weather is just awful out there today!” They have no idea how that immediately puts a negative spin on the resulting conversation. Before they know it, all they’re doing the entire time is complaining to each other about this and that.

My two “Paris” clients were always open to the possibilities, and they are the perfect example of what can happen as a result of always seeing opportunities.